Date: Mon, 21 Oct 91 11:08:55 PDT
Subject: sun physics
-- The following announcement was made Tuesday, October 16, 1991. --
Dr. Truc Kainzow, chief of everything to do with technical stuff at
Sun, announced today, the discovery of the heaviest element known to
Sun's physicists discovered this accidentally while working on a new
cold fusion reactor program codenamed "PSC" (Procedural Super Collider)
which was designed to investigate the phenonomen called the P*F effect.
The new element, tentatively named Administra-tium, has no known
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it
does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111
assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These
312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Adminstratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact
with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium
caused one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would
have normally occurred in less than one second. Administratium has a
normal half-life of approximately one year (at Sun), at which time it
does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually
increases after each organization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points
such as government agencies, large corporations and universities and
can usually be found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained
Sun Scientists are quick to point out that Administratium is known to
be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any
productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are
being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent
irreversible damage. Results to date are somewhat more promising than
cold fusion, but only time will tell if we are successful, say's Dr.
Laup Bozzell, Janitor in charge of nothing at Sun.
NEW PARTICLE FOUND
Mountain View, CA
Sun Microsystems discovers new particle Following yesterday's
surprising discovery of Administratium.
Professor Rayne Wosing, head of Sun Physics Enterprises in Mountain
View, CA, has announced the discovery of a new photon like particle,
tentatively named the "email" which apparently mediates
Administratium's paradoxical effects on all reactions. Atoms of
Administratium have been observed to emit large numbers of Emails,
which can be absorbed by ordinary matter. Any particle which absorbs
an email emits several dozen new Emails. Until the last email is
emitted, the affected particle is barred from all other interactions
except the emission and absorption of new emails. Prof. Wosing stated
that chain reactions have been observed after the introduction of even
a single atom of Administratium into a system. In these chains, all
components are continually exchanging large numbers of emails to the
complete exclusion of all other activity.
© 1991 Peter Langston