World History - Episode 1
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 92 14:59:20 PST
Subject: World History - Episode 1
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Rich Schaefer)
From: Scott Wilde <wilde>
Serialized by psl <email@example.com>
The following "history" of the world was put together from genuine
student (eighth grade through to college level) bloopers, collected
by teachers throughout the United States. Read carefully and you will
learn a great deal!
Episode 1 of ...
THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD ACCORDING TO...
The inhabitants of Ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in
the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah
is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas
of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the
Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a
range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of
the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
One of their children, Cain, once asked "Am I my brother's son?" God
asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of
Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who
brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to
it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
Pharoah forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses
led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is
bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on
Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king
skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race
of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons,
had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented
three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had
myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of
Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable.
Achilles appeared in the Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The
Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured
on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by
another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits
and through the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath.
The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law
into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains
were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their
neighbours were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks
were outnumbered because the Persian had more men.
Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History calls people
Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman
banquets the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar
extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of march
murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero
was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing
the fiddle to them.
Watch for Episode 2 - from Middle Ages to Midevil to Renaissance.
Learn about the sex lives of King Alfred, Donatello, Queen Elizabeth,
Shakespeare, John Milton, Captain John Smith, and even the world itself.
© 1992 Peter Langston