Date: Fri, 14 May 93 18:05:52 PDT
[Here's an outdated relic of pre-liberation womanhood and the sly presumptions
that perpetuated it ... or is it out of date? As I ponder this list, I see a
surprising number of translations that are still current. Hmmm... Maybe I've
been watching too much TV? -psl]
From: Keith Bostic <bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU>
The Modern Man's Guide to Understanding His Wife
WIFESPEAK ENGLISH EQUIVALENT
--------- ------- ----------
You want <==> You want
We need <==> I want
It's your decision <==> The right decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want <==> You'll pay for this later
We need to talk <==> I need to complain
Sure,... go ahead <==> I don't want you to
I'm hungry <==> (a) Make me something to eat
(b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together
your last $$, and go drive across town
and get me something to eat. ... I don't
care if what you are doing is important.
I'm not upset <==> Of course I'm upset, you moron
You're,... so manly <==> You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly <==> Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! <==> I'm having my period
And I'm not over-
Be romantic, turn <==> I have flabby thighs
out the lights.
This kitchen is so <==> I want a new house
The car is empty <==> Go fill it up
The trash is full <==> Take it out
The dog is barking <==> Go outside in your underwear and see what is
I want new curtains <==> and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I need wedding shoes <==> the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture <==> NO! I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise <==> I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? <==> I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love <==> I did something today you're really not going
me? to like
In answer to "What's Wrong?"
Nothing <==> Everything
Everything <==> My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really <==> It's just that you're such an asshole
I don't want to talk <==> Go away, I'm still building up steam.
© 1993 Peter Langston