Fun_People Archive
7 Oct
Stupid Car Tricks

Date: Thu,  7 Oct 93 16:03:43 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: Stupid Car Tricks

 Subject: Tim-O has topped Pard-O!
 From: "" <>

A while back I decided I needed to start a new car company.  The idea
started with an advertisement that popped in to my head.  Picture a
billboard with a boxy, utilitarian car in a bland color.  Above, it
says "The Econobox" and below it says "Wouldn't you really rather ride
the bus?"  Segue, another billboard, same layout.  Above, it says
"Introducing the new Econobox:"  Below, it says "It's the same one as
last year."

I was all set to go.  Ready to call in all my old debts; charged up to
work full 40-hour weeks, maybe even more; excited about calling a press
conference; steeling myself to cut smoky back-room bargains with smoky
back-room polticians; preparing myself for large federal subsidies and 
even larger bail-outs, and then it happened  --  Tob had a better idea.

It's cool!  It's hip!  It's the greatest!  I'll let him describe it in
his own inspired words.  Thanks, Tob, you've changed my ... something.

		;-D on  ( Auto Teller )  Pardo

 From: Tob Wood <>
 Subject: Geo Metro....hmmm

Hey everybody!

I guess it's obvious that I don't write with my past regularity, but that
newsgroup and other stupid stuff keeps me busy.

BUT:  Here's an exclusive that you won't see on

	I, as usual, have been thinking of interesting products that
don't exist but should.  A few days back I was thinking about cars and
how I don't own one (I totalled the one I was driving), but there just
aren't any cool cars out there anyway.  I mentioned this to a friend
and he said, "Well, what about the Geo Metro?  It looks kinda cool,
come in bozo colors and they get great gas mileage!"

   So what.

Geo Metro my shorts.  What would really be neat is a Chia Metro.  Yes,
that's right Chia.  It would be a small car with a terra cotta ceramic 
body.  It would come with a box of seeds that you would mix with water
and then spread all over the car.  Within days the seeds would sprout
before your very eyes, and grow into a lush, green covering.  Cool huh?
Yeah, I thought so to, until the maintainence issues reared their ugly
heads, so I made a list of the pros and cons to help the consumer (you)
decide if the Chia car was a good idea or not.

  	Pros					Cons
        -------					-------
1.  Don't have to wash & wax			Have to water and mow
2.  Paint won't get scratched			Danger of grazing animals
3.  Won't dent					Ceramic shatters
4.  Gives oxygen back to atmosphere 		Alfalfa sprout surplus
5.  Looks cooler than hell			Grubworms

  Well, this debate will probably never be decided.  But in the meantime
think of all the bizarre patterns you could grow on your car.  You could
even spell out words.  I'd like to see races with these cars involved.
All the cars would be exactly the same, but would be classified as to
what was growing on them, ie: moss and lichens (the fastest due to least
wind resistance), ground cover, cash crops, and trees.

   I don't know about you, but I'd pay to see cars race with trees
growing out of the tops.  Maybe ten bucks or more.


[=] © 1993 Peter Langston []