Fun_People Archive
28 Oct
If Only We'd Known Then What We Know Now...

Date: Thu, 28 Oct 93 16:17:39 PDT
To: Fun_People
Subject: If Only We'd Known Then What We Know Now...

The Court of King George III
London, England

July 10, 1776

Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Dear Mr. Jefferson:

We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest.
Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your
statements do merit serious consideration.  Unfortunately, the Declaration
as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to
the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement.
The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision:

1.  In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature and
    Nature's God."  What are these laws?  In what way are they the criteria
    on which you base your central arguments?  Please document with
    citations from the recent literature.

2.  In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind."  Whose
    polling data are you using?  Without specific evidence, it seems to
    us the "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion.

3.  You hold certain truths to be "self-evident."  Could you please
    elaborate.  If they are as evident as you claim then it should not be
    difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics.

4.  "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the goals of
    your proposal.  These are not measurable goals.  If you were to say that
    "among these is the ability to sustain an average life expectancy in
    six of the 13 colonies of at least 55 years, and to enable newspapers
    in the colonies to print news without outside interference, and to
    raise the average income of the colonists by 10 percent in the next
    10 years," these could be measurable goals.  Please clarify.

5.  You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of
    these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it,
    and to institute a new Government...."  Have you weighed this assertion
    against all the alternatives?  What are the trade-off considerations?

6.  Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive.  Such a
    long list of grievances should precede the statement of goals, not
    follow it.  Your problem statement needs improvement.

7.  Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all.  You
    state that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent States," and
    that they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the British Crown."  Who
    or what must change to achieve this objective?  In what way must they
    change?  What specific steps will you take to overcome the resistance?
    How long will it take?  We have found that a little foresight in these
    areas helps to prevent careless errors later on.  How cost-effective are
    your strategies?

8.  Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for implementing
    your strategy?  Who conceived it?  Who provided the theoretical research?
    Who will constitute the advisory committee?  Please submit an organization
    chart and vitas of the principal investigators.

9.  You must include an evaluation design.  We have been requiring this
    since Queen Anne's War.

10. What impact will your problem have?  Your failure to include any
    assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range
    prospects of your undertaking.

11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget, and
    manpower utilization matrix.

We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your "Declaration of
Independence."  We welcome the submission of your revised proposal.  Our due
date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, 1776.  Ten copies with original
signatures will be required.


Management Analyst to the British Crown

[=] © 1993 Peter Langston []