Fun_People Archive
1 Nov
The Enterprise

Date: Mon,  1 Nov 93 00:38:03 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Enterprise

 From: vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU!bostic (Keith Bostic)
 From: "Dan Winkler" <>
 (from Scott Kronick but no company)

Ever been irritated by the smarmy attitude and oblique vocabulary
of the pretentious folk who think important computer communications
only take place in the corporate workplace. If so, this may help:

Enterprise Computing Terminology Translations

What you hear/What it means

WYH: Our firm is heavily involved in enterprise computing. 
WIM: I don't understand computers, myself.

WYH: We're fully networked. 
WIM: There's a phone wire coming out the back of my computer.

WYH: We depend on electronic mail. 
WIM: For important communications, we use Post-It notes.

WYH: Our systems administrator is a computer genius. 
WIM: Our systems administator has the only copy of the manual.

WYH: We purchase the best equipment available. 
WIM: Our buyer wrote the book on kickbacks.

WYH: Our enterprise software is set up to do anything imaginable. 
WIM: Our enterprise software is set up to do accounting.

WYH: Of course, every system has a few bugs. 
WIM: The accounting software doesn't work.

WYH: Our needs require custom software. 
WIM: No one here knows how to use a spreadsheet.

WYH: Occasionally, we'll bring in a consultant. 
WIM: Our last in-house programmer shot six people from atop a tower.

WYH: We're moving toward object-oriented programming. 
WIM: We can toss around buzzwords with the best of them.

WYH: We have a close working relationship with the major software
WIM: We don't pay our bills on time.

WYH: We're committed to our current platform. 
WIM: The lying bastards have us in a hole we can't climb out of.

WYH: We keep a Mac around to publish our newsletter. 
WIM: We keep a Mac around to pirate software for our homes.

WYH: It's a state of the art distributed enterprise system for LANs
     and WANs. 
WIM: It's ripped-off PC software enhanced with a few idiotic acronyms
     and a higher price.

WYH: The enterprise integration team promises to give us the upper
     hand in efficiency, flexibility and interoperability. 
WIM: So far, the enterprise integration team has given us only the
     middle finger.

[=] © 1993 Peter Langston []