Fun_People Archive
1 Dec
What is it that ALL pieces of equipment have in common?

Date: Wed,  1 Dec 93 01:02:38 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: What is it that ALL pieces of equipment have in common?

 From: bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)

                          McDonnell Douglas
                   AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES

                        Important! Important!

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.

For Your Protection ... Fill out and return this warranty registration card. 
Do it today, before you forget.  In the unlikely event your McDonnell Douglas
aircraft needs adjustment or modification, we must know how to contact you.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help
us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. __ Mr.  __ Mrs.  __ Ms.  __ Lt.  __ Gen.  ___ Other  __ Classified

First Name________________ Initial____ Last Name_______________________

Latitude____________ Longitude_________________ Altitude_______________

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

	__F-15 Eagle  __F-16 Falcon  __F-117A Stealth  __Classified

3. Date of purchase:  Month___________Day___________Year____________

4. Serial Number____________________

5. Please check where this product was purchased:
	__ Received as Gift/Aid Package
	__ Catalog Showroom
	__ Arms Broker
	__ Mail Order
	__ Discount Store
	__ Government Surplus
	__ Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have  
   just purchased:
	__ Heard loud noise, looked up
	__ Store Display
	__ Espionage
	__ Recommended by friend/relative/ally
	__ Political lobbying by Manufacturer
	__ Attacked by one

7.  Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision
    to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
	__ Style/Appearance
	__ Kickback/Bribe
	__ Recommended by salesperson
	__ Speed/Maneuverability
	__ Comfort/Convenience
	__ McDonnell Douglas Reputation
	__ Advanced Weapons Systems
	__ Price/Value
	__ Back-Room Politics
	__ Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
	__ North America
	__ Central/South America
	__ Aircraft Carrier
	__ Europe
	__ Middle East
	__ Africa
	__ Asia/Far East
	__ Misc. Third-World Countries
	__ Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase
   in the near future:

	Product                 Own     Intend to purchase
	Color TV		___	___
	VCR			___	___
	ICBM			___	___
	Killer Satellite	___	___
	CD Player		___	___
	Air-to-Air Missiles	___	___
	Space Shuttle		___	___
	Home Computer		___	___
	Nuclear Weapon		___	___

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?  Check all
that apply:
	__ Primitive/Tribal
	__ Democratic
	__ Dictatorship
	__ Communist/Socialist
	__ Terrorist
	__ Crazed (Islamic)
	__ Crazed (Other)
	__ Neutral
	__ Corrupt (Latin American)
	__ Corrupt (Massachusetts city)
	__ Corrupt (Other)

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
	__ Cash
	__ Oil Revenues
	__ Deficit Spending
	__ Personal Check
	__ Suitcases of Cocaine
	__ Credit Card
	__ Ransom Money
	__ Traveler's Check

12. Occupation			   You	Spouse
	Homemaker		   ___	 ___
	Sales/Marketing		   ___	 ___
	Revolutionary		   ___	 ___
	Clerical		   ___	 ___
	Mercenary		   ___	 ___
	Tyrant			   ___	 ___
	Middle Management	   ___	 ___
	Eccentric Billionaire	   ___	 ___
	Defense Minister/General   ___	 ___
	Retired			   ___	 ___
	Student			   ___	 ___
	Military Aide/Loose Cannon ___	 ___

13. Do you own a computer for musical use? ______  What kind? ________________

14. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate
the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:

	Activity/Interest               You    Spouse
	Golf				___	___
	Boating/Sailing			___	___
	Sabotage			___	___
	Running/Jogging			___	___
	Propaganda/Disinformation	___	___
	Destabilizing/Overthrow		___	___
	Defaulting on Loans		___	___
	Gardening			___	___
	Crafts				___	___
	Black Market/Smuggling		___	___
	Collectibles/Collections	___	___
	Watching Sports on TV		___	___
	Wines				___	___
	Drugs				___	___
	Interrogation/Torture		___	___
	Household Pets			___	___
	Crushing Rebellions		___	___
	Espionage/Reconnaissance	___	___
	Fashion Clothing		___	___
	Border Disputes			___	___
	Mutually Assured Destruction	___	___

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.  Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?  Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500

© 1993 Peter Langston