Fun_People Archive
3 Dec

Date: Fri,  3 Dec 93 00:38:41 PST
To: Fun_People

    One of the things I've noticed while driving across this great land of
ours is this:  The people who make road signs have Q-tips Cotton Swabs(tm)
for brains.
    I'm not talking about your average, humdrum road sign like "STOP" or
"YIELD" to which the average, intelligent American driver pays little or no
attention in the first place.  No.  I'm talking about the kind of road signs
that make you wonder if the guys down at the DOT are running with a full
frame of resident pages, if you get my proverbial drift.
    These are some of my favorites:

                          LOW-FLYING AIRCRAFT

    Tell me, does the placement of this sign on the highway imply some
action on my part as a motorist?  I mean, just how "low-flying" are these
aircraft?  What am I supposed to do if I see one?  Duck?  Should I assume
that the aircraft has the right of way?  This sign is about as valuable as
its cousin:

                        WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS
                   (little picture of an avalanche)

    "Well officer the reason I rear-ended the school bus was because I had
my eyes peeled on that mountainside so I could swerve to avoid any boulders
that happened to come loose as I drove past..."

                        ROAD UNDER CONSTRUCTION
                         PASS AT YOUR OWN RISK

    What this sign means is, if, as you are driving through the construction
area past the ten or twelve road workers who are standing around in small
groups with their hands in their pockets discussing whether or not the color
of the steam-roller conforms to their union contract, one of them flicks a
cigarette butt your way igniting your gas tank and making your car explode,
you cannot hold them liable for damages.

                          NO TRUCKS LEFT LANE

    No verb this sentence.  [Then again, if there is a verb...  -psl]


    I wonder how many crazed pyromaniacs drive around with a carload of
walkie-talkies looking for these babies, hmm?

                              MEN IN TREES

    Don't worry guys, evolution is your friend.  [Or, as Douglas Adams says:
"The trick is to bang the rocks together."  -psl]

[=] © 1993 Peter Langston []