You liked the fish tank channel?
Date: Mon, 3 Jan 94 02:47:59 PST
Subject: You liked the fish tank channel?
[A while ago I forwarded a story about the "fish tank channel";
This is a great follow-on. Thanks, Dennis!]
From: Dennis Gentry <firstname.lastname@example.org>
From: Christian_Molick (Christian Molick)
(from Harper's, 1/94)
The Vaster Wasteland: excerpts from a Well discussion on what to
fill the first 500 channels of broadcast interactive television
The Airport Luggage Inspection Channel: Direct video feeds from
baggage x-rays around the world.
The Patty Duke Channel: with archival footage of her wedding to
John Astin shown in-between episodes.
The Laundry Channel: 24 hrs. of the window of an industrial washing
A 24 hr. White House channel: Enough with the odd press briefing
and Rose Garden chat; I want to see who's walking the halls. I want
to see them shampoo the carpets at 4 am. I want to see the chef
fixing a state dinner. I want an interview with the guy or gal
who mows the lawn. I want to know what kind of homework Chelsea
The Supermarket-Aisle Channel: Long tracking shots of carefully
stacked cans of potted meat. What's New in Vienna Cocktail Franks.
Interviews with stock clerks. Box Cutting: "How Not to Slice the
Cereal Boxes Open." Checkers Corner: "What's the Item Cutoff in
the Express Line?"
CNN Minus 365: Last year's complete CNN feed.
The Just-Like-Me Channel: 24 hrs. of people on sofas, remote control
in hand, watching TV.
Channel Destructo: 24 hrs. of very big things being blown apart,
crashed into rivers, or being shot at with large weapons.
A channel-surfing-channel that will show me whatever it is that
various celebrities are watching at that moment.
The Counter Channel: Every time another viewer flips to it, a big
counter increases by one. Sometimes everyone would tune in just to
watch the numbers tally really fast.
The Endoscopic Surgery Channel: Coronary arteries. Urethras. The
brain stem. They can see it, why not you?
Abyssal Submarine TV: Live from the depths of the Mariana Trench.
Sunday's feature: 24 soothing hours of the sulfur-sucking tubeworms
of the East Pacific Rise.
© 1994 Peter Langston