Fun_People Archive
7 Mar
grad student checklist (fwd)

Date: Mon,  7 Mar 94 14:05:01 PST
To: Fun_People
Subject: grad student checklist (fwd)

[I don't know about you, but this is still WAY too familiar... -psl]

Forwarded-by: lanih@info.Berkeley.EDU (J. Lani Herrmann)
Forwarded-by: (Alan Inouye)
   A grad-student emotion check-list
   6:30am  Wakeup and lie awake in Bed
   6:31    Realize you spent $18 on last night's dinner, means no eating out
           for the next 6 weeks  
   6:32    Hit snooze button.  Go back to sleep.
   7:00    Wake up suddenly with heart in mouth when you realize you didn't hit
           the snooze button--you turned it off.  
   7:01    fall asleep again.
   7:44    Wake up with heart in mouth again.
   7:45    Ready to go to school, will shave tommorrow, will eat early brunch
           at (Denny's/Penny's/Lenny's/Dinko's whatever cafeteria).
   8:03    Arrive at school
           Realize your officemate arrived earlier today and
           must have got more work done
   8:04    Pass by Advisor's office, chat with Secretary to find out if he is   
           coming in today. He is, darn.   
           Need to start work on the draft due this afternoon.
   8:15    Read electronic mail
   8:20    Delete mail from students taking CMPSC201 regarding questions  
           about the class.
           Hate your TA job.
           Depression: too much work to do today
   9:00    For jumpstart: go to Pepsi machine.
   9:05    Kick Pepsi machine; promise yourself to call up the company
           and ask for your money back.
           Wonder why they would believe you.
   9:33    Start printing out loads of stuff that may be vaguely related to
           your work.
   9:41    Early morning stupefaction.
   9:43    Curse your officemate in a low tone he would not comprehend.
   9:58    Finger everyone in the department and most people half way 
           around the world (using the "finger" command, of course)
   10:19   Feel sleepy, should not have stayed late playing tetris last night.  
   10:31   momentary panic attack!!!!!!!!!!!!
   10:43   edit .plan file. write a shell program to edit .plan more easily
   10:59   Drop in at advisor's office and borrow something you don't need 
           & and kinda make him aware you are working hard on your project.
   11:05   perverted daydreams
   11:11   read electronic news
           mid-morning yawn time 
   11:34   Start typing junk at a very high key-in rate to pretend
           you are working hard as your advisor passes by from outside.
   11:35   Press the BackSpace key for one and a half minute until all
           the garbage you typed in is erased.
           Realize that you can type more than 256 characters per half minute
   11:41   Flirt with the new girl in the department 
   11:45   Print out some slides for afternoon's draft + presentation
   11:47   Print them again, you forgot to change the date from last 
   11:49   Print another copy in case this one gets lost
   11:51   Completely forget about sueing the coffee-machine company
   12:15   Hunger pangs:
   12:20   BigMac/Fries time       
           Drink a not-so-cold generic can of cola from your desk.
           Ch-Ching, you just saved 35 cents by buying bulk cola.
   1:00    Group Meeting with advisor
   1:14    sudden awareness of one's shallowness
           resentment towards officemate for sucking up to your advisor 
           Get reminded by your advisor that you need to do some more work
           for your literature survey.
   1:51    Advisor hands you the reddened copy of your draft for corrections
   1:51:02      The 49 second urge to murder advisor begins!!
   1:51:52      Realize that he controls your assistantship/grade/
                graduation possiblity/graduation date/all job opportunities/
                and the rest of your life.
   1:52:53      Thank him
   1:52:54      Thank yourself for not saying something stupid to your advisor.
   1:53:00      splitting headache #1
   1:59  Check electronic mail, don't reply though, you are too busy to do that
   2:06  More generic cola
   2:17  Oh No, it is my turn to cook tonite :-( 
   2:30  Sit through the class you were told to sit through
   2:39  Look outside the window make unrealistic plans to quit 
         this degree program and take up a job.
   2:48  More perverted day-dreams.
         Close the office door and open a few .gif files.
         sharpen pencil
   3:06  worry about never graduating 
         time to write a letter--NOT!  no time for that.
         rearrange desk
         call up bank; see if you have any money 
         fear of losing aid next Fall 
         Read latex manuals to figure out how to put &$%&% in %$^% format 
   3:43  watch the clock
         make plans to do a all-nighter tonite
         Vow to watch only 2 TV programs 
   4:58  Notice Advisor leave       
   4:58:01      Sudden sense of freedom
                Go home for quick, short dinner break.
   9:00pm Come into the office
   9:01pm The hard working grad student you are, you have to come to the
          office late at night to "get the work done"
   9:03  Check electronic mail
         Decide it would be a good time to attack those ftp sites
         since network wont be loaded
         Run into "since network wont be loaded" traffic and get the 
         pictures into your machine.
         Compress all unwanted research/class directories to make space.
         Back up all your pictures
   10:11 Admire pictures
         Begin work; Realize you need references
         Realize its too late today to go to the library 
         Sudden feeling of having wasted the day 
   10:49 Sudden feeling of possibly having to waste the night
         Decide to turn in early and come back very early tomorrow morning
         Decide to play a Tetris on the system to put yourself in a good mood.
   11:15 Play game after game after game to improve your score and 
         get on the scoreboard. 
         Realize that your officemate is still at number 6, two notches 
         above you on the scoreboard.
   12:20 Play until you beat your officemate into the 7th place.
         A sense of achievment!! Yes, today was not wasted!!
         Return home to find your roommate watching David Letterman reruns 
         on NBC.  Tell him about the "hard working grad student day you had"
         Discuss philosophy with roommate
   1:09  Think about becoming a philosopher and dining with 4 others
         (The Dining Philosophers problem, hee hee :-)  (Comp Sci joke)
         Argue with him about politics, why people prefer Japanese
         cars and whether it is better to set the heat to "hot" or "cold"
         to defrost the windshields faster.
   1:49  Realize neither of you have bought milk today 
         Get reminded of the "too much milk problem"
   2:04  Forget about getting up early. Turn the phone ringer off
         and go to sleep.

[=] © 1994 Peter Langston []