More amusing stuff from that wacky Northwest
Date: Wed, 23 Mar 94 11:11:53 PST
Subject: More amusing stuff from that wacky Northwest
Forwarded-by: bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org (David C Lawrence)
You know you've been working at Microsoft too long, when:
1. You stop caring about the stock price.
2. You lip-synch along with Bill's "vision" speech at the company meeting.
3. You no longer bother to reprimand pinheads who email an alias of 300
people to borrow a postage stamp or state controversial religious views.
4. You stop hating people who preface every remark with "Well, when I first
started at Microsoft..." because now all your friends talk that way.
5. You never get lost inside any Microsoft building.
6. You get a glazed smile and feign amnesia when newcomers ask you to
explain Burgermaster jokes.
7. You think costly sportscars, powerboats, and vacation homes are tacky,
but now all your friends have them.
8. Other people do things that you suggest, even when those things are
9. You cover your ears and chant "I can't hear you, I can't hear you!" when
people start talking about Stone Age Computers I Have Used.
10. All your original workmates went off to other groups. Then you all
ended up working together again. Then you dispersed again. Now you
can't remember any of their names.
11. You can testify from direct, personal experience that those who ignore
history are doomed to repeat it. On the other hand, there are worse things
than being paid shitloads of money to ignore history.
12. The distinction between "blibbet" and "biscotti" grows increasingly
fuzzy in your mind.
13. You're no longer gripped by an irresistible urge to savagely butcher
stringy-bearded geeks who ride unicycles and shoot nerf guns in the hall
outside your door. Now a bunch of them work for you, in fact.
14. You can't remember what people in offices actually *did* from day to
day, before there was email.
15. Your kid asks what you do at work, and you are struck speechless. Then
you say, "Well, basically I talk to a bunch of people and type on a
computer." The next day you go to a bar for lunch and get really drunk.
16. You make people take MIR and time management classes and believe
what you are saying.
17. Your mom asks if you are one of those Microsoft millionaires, and
you say, "Well, Mom -- even if I was, you know a million dollars
really doesn't buy that much any more." Then she tells you it's a sin
to lie, and you break down sobbing.
18. You call a sudden meeting and notice that everybody else in the
room is really nervous. You tell them to relax, there's nothing to be
nervous about, and then they go totally apeshit.
19. You no longer bother correcting relatives when you explain your job for
the trillionth time and they say, "Oh-- you do something with computers."
20. You overhear the phrase "...just eff-grep aliases-dot-hass..." and
can't remember what any of those words mean.
© 1994 Peter Langston