Innocent Church Signs
Date: Thu, 14 Apr 94 16:48:18 PDT
Subject: Innocent Church Signs
Forwarded-by: Ruediger Asche <firstname.lastname@example.org>
These are actual announcements taken from church bulletins around the country:
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of
the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* Tuesday at 4PM, there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving
milk, please come early.
* Wednesday, the ladies Auxiliary Society will meet. Mrs. Johnson will
sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed", accompanied by the pastor.
* Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club.
All those wishing to become little mothers please meet the minister in
* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward
and lay an egg on the altar.
* On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expense
of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new
carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.
* A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement.
Music will follow.
* Sign outside a Canadian church: "Sermon for Sunday: What is Hell
like?" Just below was the message: "Come in and hear our choir sing."
© 1994 Peter Langston