How To Write English Good
Date: Tue, 17 May 94 14:30:41 PDT
Subject: How To Write English Good
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org (Henry Cate)
Loosely translated from the writings of technical journalists, personal
friends, a retired (retarded?) Army General....
HOW TO WRITE ENGLISH GOOD
from the Casey Stengle School of Brooklynese
(1) Just between you and I case is important.
(2) Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
(3) Don't use no double negatives.
(4) A preposition is something you should never end a
sentence with. (or as Sir Winston Churchill once
said; "This is the type of nonsense up with I will
(5) It is always good practice to never split infini-
(6) About sentence fragments.
(7) Don't write a run-on sentence you have to punctu-
(8) When one is writing, it is important to maintain
your point of view.
(9) Proofread your work. Do not tolerate mispellings!
(10) Watch out for irregular verbs which have croped
into the language.
(11) Don't say the same thing more than once. It's
redundant and repetitious.
(12) If the writer is considerate of the reader, he
won't have a problem with ambiguous sentences.
(13) This sentence no verb.
(14) You should be aware of the conditional case if you
was to use it.
(15) The smothering of verbs is a cause of the weaken-
ing of the sentence impact.
(16) Avoid the utilization of enlarged words when shor-
tened ones will do.
(17) Perform a functional iterative analysis on your
work to root out third generation transitional
(18) Make sure you hyp-henate properly.
(19) Sentences should be written in the active voice
when giving instructions, so that the subject of
the action can be identified clearly.
(20) Avoid the use of dyed-in-the-wool cliches.
(21) The defacto use of foreign phrases vis-a-vis plain
English in your written tete-a-tetes makes the
sentence harder to understand.
(22) Continuity of thought, logical development and
smooth transitions are important. Never leave
the reader guessing.
(23) Beware of malapropisms. They are a communist sub-
(24) Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
(25) Each pronoun should agree with their antecedent.
(26) It has come to our considered attention that in a
large majority of cases, far too many people use a
great deal more words than is absolutely necessary
when engaged in the practice of writing sentences.
(27) Be careful of dangling participles writing a
© 1994 Peter Langston