While You Were Out...
Date: Tue, 17 May 94 18:00:30 PDT
Subject: While You Were Out...
Forwarded-by: John Robinson <firstname.lastname@example.org>
[other fwds removed]
From: STAR::DIPIRRO "Not playing with a full DEC 10-May-1994 1451"
Subj: Auto Reply from Watch_Mail for 6-MAY-1994 19:00 to 13-MAY-1994 19:00
Hi. I cannot respond to your mail right now as I'm at DECUS in New
Orleans, hoping that something will be left when I return so that I can get
my expenses reimbursed. I'm sure you wish you were in my shoes right now, face
to face with thousands of our customers, explaining our strategy and convincing
them of our bright future. Fortunately, the bars are open very late in
New Orleans. Not to worry though. I've been working on my customer speech...
"Stay the course.....A thousand points of light....."
DECUS is crawling with Digital VPs and Bob Palmer himself this year. I
am disguised as one of them, wearing expensive suits and that certain facial
expression which seems to say "je ne sais croix."
I'll miss you all during my lonely week away from home. My vigilant
patrol of Bourbon Street, spreading the Digital story to the rich and famous
and to the dregs of society for all hours of the night, will
hopefully yield the
Q4 gains we so desperately need! I will cover every inch of every dark corner
of Bourbon Street for this worthy cause (applaud here)!
I am involved with so many hundreds of things that I can't hope to guess
what your mail might be about. I'll try to cover some of the possibilities
below, hopefully suggesting an appropriate course of action on your
part until I
return on the 16th.
CSPL info -
Try contacting Anne (EVMS::RIX) McElearney, Jim (EVMS::) Goddard, or
Burns (SKYLAB::) Fisher for technical info or Steve (STAR::SNOYES) Noyes
for management info.
Debug tools info -
For WATCHPOINT, contact Jim Goddard. For XDELTA, DELTA, SDA, or
BUGCHECK, better wait until Richard Sayde and I return from DECUS.
STAR::CSPL or STAR::EXTENDED-VAX membership -
Try Burns Fisher for STAR::CSPL. Otherwise, I'll take care of it as
soon as I return.
Award notification -
Hey, thanks. I'm honored and will place it with all the others. Thanks
again. But let me remind you that all these awards are unnecessary.
My personal job satisfaction is really all the reward I need.
General praise not covered elsewhere -
It's much appreciated. I know...I know...But what can I say. Really,
it was my pleasure to help out. It's just my nature to give and give
and give and never expect anything in return.
Disciplinary action -
It wasn't me. They made me do it. It's not mine. I don't know what
you're talking about. She said she was 18. The check's in the mail.
The dog ate it.
Gardening questions -
Your cool-weather plants should be planted by now. That includes peas,
potatoes, broccoli, lettuce, greens, etc. Prepare soil now for
Memorial Day plantings of warm-weather crops, such as tomatoes,
eggplant, peppers, summer squash, and most other veggies and flowers.
Add composted manure (I'm partial to chicken myself).
The way to muscle beach -
_ | |
It's thatta way ____/ \_| |
Septic system questions -
If your toilet is continuously running, it may be a simple adjustment
to the floating ball valve. It could also be a bad seal, letting water
escape from the tank into the bowl. If your problem is a backup,
apparent blockage, gurgling sounds during flushing, etc., this may be
a problem with your septic line or septic system. You should also make
sure the system is properly vented (no blockage in the vent pipe).
You'll need to locate and pull the cover off the septic tank. If you
see a solid mass which you can't break through with a sledge hammer,
it may be time to get the tank pumped out. A thin layer of sludge at
the top is common. Try flushing the toilet and watching what happens.
Excess fluid should run from the tank to the leach field while solids
remain in the tank. Look for excess oil or grease in the tank. If little
flows out of the house pipe into the tank, you may need to clean the
line. If you can remove the cap on the pipe inside the house, you can
run a plumber's snake from there out to the tank. You can also rent
a contraption which hooks to a water hose and uses water pressure to
"blow the pipe." This will clear stuff out of the pipe that the
plumber's snake simply pushes around. If you have the chance to watch
what happens on the tank side when you blow the pipe, do it. You won't
Info on strange diseases and physical abnormalities -
If this is a question about something I have personal experience with,
I'll answer as soon as I return. Otherwise, you'll have to seek
professional help. My experience includes measles, mumps, chicken
pox, shingles, german measles, allergies, sinusitis, deviated septum,
nosebleeds, dizziness, losing consciousness, twitches and ticks,
pulled and torn muscles, broken bones, hemorrhoids, irritable bowel
syndrome, unusual bleeding, high blood pressure, gas, shin splints,
ear wax, asthma, dandruff, athlete's foot, ingrown toenails, back pain,
pinched nerves, diarrhea, and projectile vomiting.
Ants, termites, rodents, bats, snakes, and other household pest questions -
If you keep an entire ecosystem such as this living within the walls
and ceilings of your house like I have, the system is maintenance free!
Corporate strategy (for SLT members only) -
Since most SLT members are at DECUS anyway, I'll provide my insight
on the strategy in that forum.
Child rearing advice -
Actually, when it comes to "child-rearing", Michael Jackson is the
expert. But seriously, like me, my boys are perfect gentlemen, and
they would like to meet your daughters.
Questions on investing -
If you had seen my house or car lately, you wouldn't be asking me.
© 1994 Peter Langston