Healthcare At Your Fingertips
Date: Sat, 14 Jan 95 17:32:39 PST
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Subject: Healthcare At Your Fingertips
Forwarded-by: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: email@example.com (John P. Kole)
Forwarded-by: lindsey (Norman Lindsey)
Forwarded-by: "Jim Littlefield" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
'Microsoft 911', or 'Healthcare At Your Fingertips'
Well, after almost an hour on the phone with Microsoft Tech Support, and
I do believe that I've personally talked to roughly half of their total
workforce during that hour, the person who I finally got to said he
doesn't know anything (about my problem, that is) so he'll try to get me
a response within 24-48 hours. Now this is typical, even acceptable, but
with Microsoft's recent expansion into things like home entertainment,
cable TV, and satellite communications, along with the new health care
reform, this has some pretty frightening possibilities...
Imagine, if you will, a Microsoft-run 911 line...
Welcome to Microsoft 911! If you are calling from a
touch-tone phone, please press 1 no...
Microsoft 911 provides 90 days of free emergency support. This
90--day period begins when you are conceived. If you have not yet
been conceived, press one. If you have been conceived but are
still under the ninety-day free support period, press two. If
Caller: *frantically* *3*
Welcome to Microsoft 911! While you are holding, please consider
our alternative support options. If you would like faxed medical
information on common emergency conditions, you can call out
FaxTips line at. . .
Hello, Microsoft 911. May I have a daytime phone number?
Caller: *weakly* I've been shot...
That's right, sir. Could I have your daytime telephone number?
*anaesthetic elevator music*
Yet Another Voice:
And that was Andy Barzell, with "Moon Over LA" from his upcoming
City Lights disc, on the Trauma Records label. Now we'll go over
some of our hold times for the emergency support groups. There
are four people waiting in the Vehicular Accidents group; the
longest hold time there is 10 minutes, twelve seconds. Nine
people are holding in the Gunshot Wounds group, with a longest
wait time of twenty minutes, four seconds. The Terrorist Bombing
group has two callers waiting with a longest wait time of ten
minutes, and the Hunting Accidents group...
One More Voice:
Hello, Microsoft Gunshot Wound Emergency Assistance... Hello?
© 1995 Peter Langston