Fun_People Archive
14 Feb
wasting more time with unix...

Date: Tue, 14 Feb 95 23:53:23 PST
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: wasting more time with unix...

From: Claude Ginsburg <>

I should have stated you need a sysV Unix cat program to get the funny response.
The Berkeley Unix cat delivers the more serious "no such file or directory" 

From: Robert.Reynolds@directory.Reed.EDU (Robert Reynolds)

my favorite time waste with UNIX is running "spell" on the file "relief" 
which consists of the single word 


%spell relief

[Note: the following assumes csh   -psl]

From: Shari Powell <>

  I don't know where this file orginally came from, but it has been
  around for a couple of years...
  --------------------- cut here ----------------------------------
  % make fire
  Make:  Don't know how to make fire.  Stop.
  % why not?
  No match.

  % gotta light?
  No match.
  % !1984
  1984: Event not found.                  # (on some systems)
  % How's my lovemaking?
  Unmatched '.

  % "How would you rate Bush's incompetence?
  Unmatched ".
  % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
  Missing ].
  % [Where is my brain?
  Missing ].

  % ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
  Modifier failed.

  % ^How did the sex change operation go?
  Bad substitute.
  % If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
  Too many ('s.
  % man: why did you get a divorce?
  man:: Too many arguments.
  % %blow
  %blow: No such job.
  % \(-
  (-: Command not found.
  % sh
  $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
  no sense in pretending!
  $ mkdir matter; cat >matter
  matter: cannot create
  % cd /tmp
  % touch this; chmod 000 this
  % ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
  % U this
  U: cannot touch this: no write permission

  % rm meese-ethics
  rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

  % cd ~god
  Unknown user: god.

  % ar m God
  ar: God does not exist

  % make love
  Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

  % sleep with me
  bad character

  % ^What is saccharine?
  Bad substitute.

  % drink <bottle; "Why? opener"
  bottle: cannot open
  Why? opener: not found

  % alias alias alias
  alias: Too dangerous to alias that.

  % cat catfood
  cat: cannot open catfood

  % cat "food in cans"
  cat: can't open food in cans
  % nice man woman
  No manual entry for woman.

  % man pussy
  No manual entry for pussy.
  % rm God
  rm: God nonexistent
  % ar r God
  ar: creating God
  % Unmatched "?
  Unmatched ".
  % write desert
  desert is not logged on.

  % man you
  No manual entry for you.

  % !bluemoon
  bluemoon: Event not found.

  % scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D
  "Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found

  % cat 'the can of tuna'
  cat: cannot open the can of tuna

  % rm Quayle-brains
  rm: Quayle-brains nonexistent

  % cat "door: paws too slippery"
  cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery

  % look into "my eyes"
  look: cannot open my eyes
  % lost
  lost: not found
  % mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages
  yellow_pages: Is a directory
  %touch me
  %chmod 000 me
  %touch me
  touch: cannot touch me: permission denied
  % ar x "my love life"
  ar: my love life does not exist
  % ar x "matey, the treasure"
  ar: matey, the tresure does not exist
  % talk Gorvachev@Kremlin
  talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.
  % talk Comrade Khruchev
  [Your party is not logged on]
  % make "heads or tails of all this"
  Make:  Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this.  Stop.

  % man -kisses dog
  dog: nothing appropriate

  % ping | awk '{print substr($1,1,5), $2, $3}'
  elvis is alive

  % finger body-of-christ@bread-jar.mass
  Unknown host

  % finger huge-keg-party@big-house
  Unknown host

  % make ' ' bang ' ' with gun
  make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '

echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc

[=] © 1995 Peter Langston []