Fun_People Archive
15 Feb
Music Dictionary From Hell

Date: Wed, 15 Feb 95 18:07:32 PST
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Music Dictionary From Hell

Forwarded-by: (Dan Peck)
From: (Henry Sapoznik)

Try as I might, I just couldn't keep myself from sharing this bit o' musical
 glossaria passed on to me by accordionist Sy Kushner (who incidentally, is
also a musician). Additions, corrections and deletions happily accepted.

Music Dictionary From Hell
(Classical Edition)

Accidentals: wrong notes.
Augmented Fifth: a 36 oz. bottle.
Breve: the way a sustained note sounds when you run out of air.
Coloratura Soprano: A singer who has great trouble finding the proper note,
and has a wild time hunting for it.
Choral Conductor: A musician who is adept at following many people at the
same time.
Deceptive Cadence: When everybody hopes you're going to stop, but don't.
Detache: An indication that the trombones are to play with the slides
Espressivo: Close eyes and sing with a wide vibrato.
Glissando: A technique adopted by tenors for difficult runs.
Hemiola: A hereditary blood disease caused by chromatics.
Isorhythmic Motet: When some members of the consort get a different Xerox
from the others.
Musica Ficta: When you lose your place and have to fake notes.
Rubato: German measles.
Piano Subito: Indicates an opportunity for some obscure singer to take a
Prima Donna: Soprano who generally dies in the last act of an opera of
consumption, or--more frequently-- of overconsumption.
Risoluto: Indicates to the chorus that they are to stubbornly maintain the
tempo no matter what the conductor tries to do.
Vibrato: The villain in Handel's opera "Arpeggio at Tessitura".

[=] © 1995 Peter Langston []