Fun_People Archive
23 Mar
Misc Silliness

Date: Thu, 23 Mar 95 12:48:47 PST
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Misc Silliness

Forwarded-by: <>

Heard at a John McCutcheon concert:

"Buy a toaster, get a free Savings & Loan."

[I would have said:
	"Put your bread in a toaster, get a free Savings & Loan"


Boys' Life:

     When everhting's coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

     About 1900 a very respectable Western lawyer was filing some insurance
papers when he came to the question:  "If your father is dead, state the
cause."  Unwilling to reveal that his father had been hanged for cattle
rustling, the lawyer evaded the problem by answering this way: "He died
while taking part in a public ceremony when the platform gave way."

     Why were the Scouts so tired on April 1?
     Because they had just finished a 31 day March.

Why are you sleeping under that old car?
So I can wake up oily in the morning.

Do you find it hard to make decisions?
Well - yes and no.


                 Are You About to Employ a Robot?

This test was written by ME, Roger Carasso, for the UCB Psychology
Department.  It is intended  to be used by companies that are
recruiting on campus.  With this test you can determine whether an
applicant are interviewing is a Robot, a Vulcan/Math MAjor, or a
Liberal Arts major.

       Tear off here, and administer test below to students

 Answer Questions by circling the appropriate subjective choice.

1.   If stranded on a deserted island, I would want _____
          0)Shakespeare  1>Math books   2]Fluid oil

2.   If I could have any job, I would be a _____
          0)writer  1>professor    2]McDonald's employee

3.   On weekends, I ___________
          0)go to he beach    1>go to the library  2]goto 10

4.   My favorite hobby is _____
          0)Poetry  1>Open math problems     2]memorizing

5.   I have taken ______ English classes.
          0)Many    1>Enough to communicate  2]fori=1to++x10goto10

6.   What is the quickest way to solve 2X+4=2?
          0)Ask a Vulcan      1>In my head   2]Brute force with
                                               Cray 2 Supercomputer

7.   What have you learned in school that you value the most?
          0)Latin   1>Complex Analysis  2]How to operate my HP-28C

8.   In between classes, I like to _____
          0)Talk with my friends   1>Study proofs 2>Add numbers on
                                                    my calculator

9.   When I have a report due, I type it on_____
          0)My manual typewriter
          1>The school's word processor
          2]My calculator and then upload it to a PC at 50 baud

10.  Since coming to the University, I have gained many _____
          0)Friends      1>Books   2]Calculator manuals

11.  The best use of a computer is _____
          0)As a door stop    1>For graphing functions 2]As friends

12.  When I go to a restaurant, I usually get _____
          0)A hamburger  1>A twinkie    2]Thrown out

13.  What part of speech is "interface"?
          0)A noun  1>A noun and a verb   2]Not enough data

14.  What do you consider to be paradise?
          0)Total happiness   1>Total knowledge   2]Two calculators

15.  What type of music do you like?
          0)Popular music     1>Classical music   2]Static

16.  What is your favorite game?
          0)Monopoly     1>Chess   2]Data entry races

17.  My favorite Movie show is _____
          0)Ruthless People   1>Star Trek II      2]Short Circuit

18.  If I had to know an equation on a test, I would _____
          0)Write it on my arm
          1>Derive it during test
          2]Memorize it with flash cards all day for weeks

19.  The person I marry must have_____
          0)Beauty  1>Intelligence      2]An RS232 serial port

20.  What I fear the most is _____
          0)Death   1>Emotions     2]Water


Results: Simply add up the values of all answers and look at
the following table.

00-14  Liberal Arts
15-20  Vulcan/Math Major
21-40  Robot!!!

[=] © 1995 Peter Langston []