Fun_People Archive
17 Jun
A cartoon adventure in DisneyWorld

Date: Sat, 17 Jun 95 01:26:21 PDT
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: A cartoon adventure in DisneyWorld

Forwarded-by: <>
From: (spam spam spam spam)

     The following two letters were recently printed in the Dallas Morning
Star (April 26, 1995; page 2)  They were passed on to Mr.  Allen DeVonshire,
a reporter for the Morning Star, by an anonymous Disney employee.  I am
reposting them here in their entirety since I thought they would be of
interest to the readers of this newsgroup.

Chairman of the Board
Walt Disney World Headquarters
Santa Barbara, California

February 18, 1995

Dear Sir,

     I recently visited Florida (earlier this month), and decided to
swing by DisneyWorld for the first time with my wife, Clara, and my
little boy, Joshua.  Up to this time, I had never visited one of your
establishments because I always felt they were too "commercial," but I
decided to give it a try, especially since my 9 year old son began
hyperventilating when I first said no.

     My initial impression was pleasant enough, not to say invigorating.
Around two in the afternoon, however, a parade began which featured a
marching band and many of the Disney characters.  Everything was fine,
until "Mickey Mouse" came marching by and my son, who is a bit
hyperkinetic (probably from all the junk food we feed him) broke loose
from my grasp and ran up to Mickey anticipating, no doubt, a cartoon

     I followed my son out of the crowd, but before I could reach him,
he had wrapped himself around Mickey's left leg for dear life.  As
I walked up, "Mickey" began screaming at both my son and myself.  I
paraphrase his words:

     "Get the fuck OFF ME, you little pile of RAT SHIT!  I gotta put up
with you little FUCKERS every goddamn day and I'm so sick of it I swear
to God I'll bury my mouse paw up your goddamn little butt hole if you
don't LET GO!!!"

     As he was screaming, he was kicking his leg out, trying to dislodge
my now terrified son.  Naturally, this commotion embarrassed both myself
and my wife, who had also come to join in the little scene.  People were
taking pictures as "Mickey" screamed and swung his leg frantically with
my son wrapped around it like a rubber band.

     NOBODY treats my son like that.  I suppose I lost my composure,
and it pains me to say it, but I'm afraid I acted precipitously.

     I began to beat the shit out of Mickey.

     I understand he is a Disney employee, but I felt justified on the
grounds that he was mistreating a member of the *paying* public, who
happened to be my only child.  Would you have done differently?

     Naturally I was mortified, and the entire incident nearly ruined
our day.  As I gathered up my hysterical son, a Disney employee (you
can tell them all by their absolutely astonishing happiness) came
running up to apologize.  I felt like decking him too, but I judiciously

     Taking me aside, he begged me not to press any charges or to make
a big deal of the incident.  I suggested that I needed a little time to
cool down and think about it.  It was then that the most incredibly
tasteless incident of my life occurred.  To this day, I can hardly
believe it happened.  (By the way, I happened to notice his nametag:
Morty Fleischmann)  He offered to let me have sex with "Snow White" if
I promised to keep my mouth shut!  Hard to believe, right?  I nearly
dumped in my pants I was so flabbergasted.

     I want you to know that I will never return to "Disneyworld." It
is a haven of corruption and violence.   It is my hope that this letter
will instigate changes in your personnel policies, as I do not wish
anyone else to have to suffer through a similar experience.

     I am also returning, herewith, three pairs of Mickey Mouse Ears
purchased at your place of business.

Respectfully Yours,

Randall K. Sandovsky
Cleveland, Ohio


Cleveland, Ohio

February, 25, 1995

Dear Mr. Sandovsky,

     On behalf of Walt Disney World Productions, I would like to offer
you and your family our sincere apologies for the experiences you
described in your letter dated February 18, 1995.  There is no excuse
for the kind of behavior exhibited by our ex-employee, Mr.  Frank
Trevino, Mickey of the day.  The language you described is anathema to
us here.  Words such as "fuck," "shit," "goddamned," and "butt-hole"
are not tolerated at Disneyworld, you can rest assured.

     After a long and exhaustive investigation, however, we were unable
to discover any Disney employee named "Morty Fleishmann." Are you sure
of the spelling?  To be quite frank, we've had several complaints about
an individual posing as a Disney employee who offers to set up a sexual
rendezvous with several of our characters, including Bambi, the Little
Mermaid, and Goofy.  A Ms.  Cecelia Bernhart of New Haven, Connecticut,
wrote to us only last week indicating that a person with a similar name
(Marty BlueBonnet), who claimed to be an employee of ours, had offered
to escort her to a special exhibit entitled "The Seven Dwarfs Circle
Jerk."  (Of course, we have no such exhibit).  If you could please send
us a description of this individual, it would help tremendously in our

     Once again, I apologize for the inconvenience, and I hope you will
reconsider your promise never to return.  In a sincere attempt to
demonstrate our desire to see you here again, I am enclosing a gift
certificate worth $1.37 off your next visit to Disneyworld (please note
that it expires in one week).

Sincerely Yours,

Mortimer J. Snethkamp
Senior Vice President, Public Relations
Walt Disney World Productions
Santa Barbara, CA

[=] © 1995 Peter Langston []