Fun_People Archive
21 Jun
The Piano Accordion [a filmscript]

Date: Wed, 21 Jun 95 12:39:11 PDT
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Piano Accordion [a filmscript]

Forwarded-by: (Bob Stein)
Forwarded-by: Kate Casano <>
Forwarded-by: the accordion listserv [?]

                      The Piano Accordion
                          [a filmscript]
                           The Cyneaste

        Reprinted with permission from 'Noiselitter', the newsletter
               of the English Dept, University College,
                  Australian Defence Force Academy
                     Copyright 1995, Noiselitter

Scene 1: A windswept beach with crashing waves. A woman in an elaborate
Victorian crinoline, with black bonnet is struggling to rescue a box
containing a piano accordion from the waves.

Voice over:  From the time I was a little girl the piano accordion was my
greatest delight in life. And when I was sent to New Zealand to marry Mr.
Stewart, a settler there, I took my piano accordion with me.

Scene 2: The woman playing the piano accordion on the beach to a group of
natives, Mr Baines and her new husband.

[The woman is one of those smiling piano accordion players, with a repertoire
of 'The Merry Peasant', 'Funiculi funicula', 'Santa Lucia' etc]

The husband takes the piano accordion and throws it into the sea. Mr Baines
looks distressed. Husband drags the woman away. [Mr Baines is a bit slow -
he should also have biro lines all over his face]

Voice over: Mr Stewart, a man of no taste and discrimination, had no regard
for my playing and refused to have my piano accordion in his house.

Scene 3: Mr Baines with the piano accordion, leaking water, in his hut. It is
evident Mr Baines believes the piano accordion to be some kind of sex aid.

Voice over: Fortunately, Mr Baines, though a poorly educated man, had
marvelled at the piano accordion, and rescued it for his own uses.

Scene 4: The woman still in massive crinoline and bonnet plays the obviously
repaired piano accordion for a doting Mr Baines. She is still manically
smiling like all good accordion players. Mr Baines looks on, moving closer
to finger the keys and observe her techniques.

Voice over: He promised me that if I taught him how to play, the piano
accordion would be mine once more.

Scene 5: Mr Baines and the lady, both naked (except perhaps for her crinoline
frame). Mr Baines is using piano accordion technique on her - squeezing and
running his fingers down her back. Mr Baines now has the manic smile of the
accordion player.

Voice over: Gradually, Mr Baines and I became more attached. Despite his
intellectual disadvantages, he learnt very quickly.

Scene 6: The woman holds the piano accordion in her husband's house. She
begins to play one of those dreadful tunes. The husband drags her and the
piano accordion out into the rain, where he places the piano accordion on
a chopping block and slices it in two with an axe.

Voice over: My husband could never appreciate the beauty of my instrument.
Perhaps, he suspected my relationship with Mr Baines. In a rage of
possession he destroyed all that was important to me.

Scene 7: Mr Baines carries one half of the piano accordion, the lady the
other.  They run towards each other in the forest, and join the two halves.

Voice over: Together Mr Baines and I decided to escape. We knew that we had
found a great love.

Scene 8: Civilisation. Mr Baines is dressed in a proper suit. The lady is
shown helping Mr Baines to wash, particularly his ears.

Voice over: In Nelson, Mr Baines took a respectable job, and I began to
teach accordion playing. I discovered that Mr Baines had been deaf, but with
careful washing his ears began to clear, and his hearing gradually returned.

Scene 9: The lady playing the piano accordion again. Mr Baines grabs it from
her and throws it into the sea.

Voice over: Then Mr Baines began to change. And once again, my beloved piano
accordion was taken from me.

Scene 10: An underwater shot of the piano accordion sinking beneath the ocean.

[=] © 1995 Peter Langston []