Date: Fri, 30 Jun 95 17:46:27 PDT
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Subject: Jury Duty
Forwarded-by: Saul Feldman <email@example.com>
From: Spy Magazine
By: Chip Rowe
TWELVE LINES TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY
1. I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.
2. I am really attracted to you, Your Honor.
3. If a police officer told me I was a bug, I'd believe him
4. I think laws are for sissies.
5. Would I have to bathe?
6. Can each of my personalities vote in the deliberation?
7. My religion specifically prohibits me from sitting near other
8. Your marshall's handcuffs are turning me on.
9. A pit bull named [defendant's first name] just killed my baby.
10. I have Tourette's syndrome, you fucking asshole.
11. I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.
12. An eye for an eye. I say we take his *head for an eye [point at
© 1995 Peter Langston