Fun_People Archive
17 Jul
What'S Right with America (36 of 61 things)

Date: Mon, 17 Jul 95 16:06:12 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: What'S Right with America (36 of 61 things)

Forwarded-by: elshaw@MIT.EDU (Libby Shaw)
From: lyle@world.std.com (Lyle Hodgson)

in case you missed this week's Sunday N.Y. Times, the sunday magazine's
endpaper, titled "What's Right With America (61 Things)", was funny enough,
imho, to forward, excerpted without permission from its authors, Sam
Johnson and Chris Marcil:

"
 2. the best movie violence and the best deplorations of movie violence.
 3. refreshing body spray.
 4. world leader in alien abductions.
 5. disposable panorama cameras.
 6. the sophisticated irrigation systems of our corporate parks.
 8. satellite dishes along quiet country roads.
10. metric, schmetric.
11. color-coded memorial lapel ribbons.
12. basketball on rollerblades.
13. most parking in the developed world.
14. soothing white-noise generators.
15. teal as a respectable professional-sports-team color.
17. seasoned curly fries.
19. colorless beers.
20. "gold" colorless malt beverages.
21. motivation as a commercial product.
24. snake-handling religions and couples-therapy weekends.
27. the free toy in every Happy Meal.
28. outstanding home-cleaning products.
29. creek-spanning bridges named after local officials.
32. brave vegetarian attempts to simulate hot dogs and hamburgers.
33. persistent efforts to make soccer popular.
34. "quilted" toilet paper.
37. color-coded post-it pads.
38. college-football bowl games named after instruments of financial security.
39. "I Wanna Sex You Up" -- the song, the t-shirt, the statement.
41. cartoon-shaped vitamins.
44. hiking boots as urban style element.
45. mixed-race tv-police partnerships.
48. marxist graduate students in sleepy college towns.
49. comic books that promote safe sex.
52. fresh breath as a priority.
54. yard-specific Wiffle-ball rules.
57. bars with year-round christmas lights.
60. frozen-margarita extruders.
61. the Monte Carlo, the Lincoln Continental, the Seville.
"

lyle, who only left out the ones she personally didn't find funny enough
      (hey, what exactly is so humorous about easy-access weather info
      and the ballroom-dancing craze??) [especially compared to real
      rib-ticklers like color-coded post-it pads or comic books that
      promote safe sex...  -psl]

© 1995 Peter Langston