Not Really A Testimonial
Date: Fri, 25 Aug 95 13:16:02 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Subject: Not Really A Testimonial
[Note: OPWARC stands for "ont.personals.whips.and.rubber.chickens"
a regional newsgroup... -psl]
Forwarded-by: email@example.com (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org (Jim Mercer)
From: Stephen Kunc <email@example.com>
Subject: Re: *** HOT XXX Adult Products & Videos -- Free Catalog ***
firstname.lastname@example.org (Bryan Fullerton) wrote:
>In article <Edda1995Aug16.email@example.com>,
>Carmen Deturse <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
>> Complete catalog of seXXXy products, marital aids, lingerie,
>> outrageous adult gifts, and videos at unbeatable prices.
>You have RCs? I assume you must, 'cause you posted to OPWARC.
>Anyone have experience buying RCs from this company?
I have vast amounts of experience buying from this company, under the
pseudonym Nikolaus Maack.
I bought their Thumper IV model Penis Expander, and my first complaint is
that it did not come in the plain brown wrapper that they promised. Instead
it arrived in a box lavishly adorned with advertisements for cock rings.
Later on, I bought their StretchMan "Charles Atlas" model Penis Expander,
but I was deeply disatisfied with its performance, the gyroscope always
needs to be replaced, and the mazola emits a foul burning smell when you
have the Stretchman on the "puree" setting.
I also bought this company's "Little Suzie" blow-up doll, which promised
"full life-like lips" and genuine recordings for audio stimulation. The full
life-like lips are in fact, prunes, and the audio recordings are surplussed
Teddy Ruxpin stories.
Giving this company the benefit of the doubt, I subsequently bought their
"Edible Condom" (which broke), their "Mistress Eva stretch pants" (which
rode up) and their "C++ compiler" (which did not link properly with
I hope this gives you some idea of the company you are dealing with, and if
you plan on buying a rubber chicken from them, expect it to be made of the
cheapest synthetics, not speak properly, and arrive at your neighbour's
house in gift-wrapped covered with advertisements for "Hot Lips" lubricants.
© 1995 Peter Langston