Fun_People Archive
28 Aug
Win95 Theology

Date: Mon, 28 Aug 95 12:04:21 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Win95 Theology

[Fortunately Windose 95 Day seems to have come and gone without any lasting  
scars on Seattle (I can't speak for Redmond) and if I had any sense I'd just  
let it all be forgotten like a bad dream -- well, maybe after this one last  
item... -psl]

Forwarded-by: lanih@info.SIMS.Berkeley.EDU (Lani Herrmann)
Forwarded-by: John Robinson <>
Forwarded-by: (Charles Forsythe)

If you have half a brain, you can't help but notice the throng of
publications, analists and net users declaring Windows 95 the Saviour of
the Computer Industry.  If you have less than half a brain, you probably
believe it.  Could it be?

Let's compare Windows 95 against a widely-accepted Saviour, Jesus of

        Jesus                                   Windows 95

Said, "Surely I come quickly."        |  Has been promised "any day now."
Is taking a lot longer to actually    |  Is taking a lot longer to actually
arrive.                               |  arrive.
Can walk on water.                    |  Can crawl on a 486.
Sits in judgement at the pearly gates.|  Will be used to judge Bill Gates.
Bible says, "In Him, all things are   |  Windows 95 doesn't even run all
possible."                            |  possible Windows apps.
Embodies the Holy Trinity:  Father,   |  Embodies DOS.
Son, and Holy Ghost.                  |
Started life as a carpenter.          |  Turns perfectly good computers into
                                      |  furniture.
Born in a manger.                     |  Resembles something found in a
                                      |  barn.
Remembered for protecting the weak.   |  Has weak memory protection.
Was raised from the dead.             |  Was created from Windows 3.1
Jesus performed great works for       |  Windows 95 multitasking performance
the multitudes.                       |  barely works.
Jesus has no sin.                     |  Windows 95 has no shame.

You decide.

[=] © 1995 Peter Langston []