Fun_People Archive
16 Sep
WhiteBoardness 9/15/95

Date: Sat, 16 Sep 95 13:15:37 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: WhiteBoardness 9/15/95

Excerpted-from: WhiteBoard News for September 15, 1995

This item comes by way of Randy Hardin:

Newport, Rhode Island:
                  [Gross-Out Alert: a GUI of 4 (or maybe 5 for men)  psl]

Police said around 2:20AM, a resident reported a man wearing dark clothes
had broken into her home. The woman said the man ran out when she screamed.

About 2:30AM, Sgt. Gary Silva said he spotted Johnson, who answered a
description provided by the woman, walking near the Newport Public Library.
Silva said he stopped Johnson to ask him some questions, but Johnson took
a swing at him and ran off.

Silva said he chased Johnson toward St. Mary's Church, where Johnson scaled
an iron picket fence and got caught atop the fence. After a brief struggle
to free himself, Johnson fell to the other side of the fence and ran off.
Patrolman Neil Dwyer stopped the man a short time later on Memorial
Boulevard just east of Spring Street.

While processing Johnson at the police station, an officer noticed Johnson's
pants were torn and that he was bleeding. Newport firefighters took Johnson
to the hospital where he was admitted, police said.

Police said Johnson never mentioned he was injured and did not complain of

About 6:00AM, police retrieved Johnson's testicles, which were still impaled
on the fence. The hospital spokeswoman told police the testicles could not
be re-attached.

"Bob Packwood resigned from the Senate last week.
Yeah, he handed in a pink slip --
along with two bras and a pantie."

	-- Television host Conan O'Brien.

[Okay, Conan, what is "a pantie?"  -psl]

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[=] © 1995 Peter Langston []