A Speculative Essay on the Codpiece
Date: Mon, 8 Apr 96 15:54:01 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Subject: A Speculative Essay on the Codpiece
Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: That's the idea, mate, that's the idea...
From: "Jordan K. Hubbard" <email@example.com>
And, I might also add, favored by rock stars for the round, full appearance
it gives to said equipment when worn under spandex pants. Doesn't hurt to
protect the old family jewels from thrown beer bottles, either, which is
probably where the whole idea started. History is somewhat vague on this,
but I'll bet if you could have been a fly on the wall of the Hammersmith
Odeon you'd have heard a conversation something like this one:
Mick: "'ey, Keith, sum bastard got me right in the goolies with a feckin'
'einiken bottle during that last number! Wott wankahs these
fans are! It's been over an 'our and it still 'urts like 'ell!"
Keith [downs a quart bottle of Wild Turkey in one gulp and wipes his lips]
"Ah mate, y've not 'eard o codpieces then? I likes me own so much I
even wears it in the shower now!"
Mick: "Codpiece? Wot the 'ecks a codpiece?"
Keith: "'ere mate, look.." [opens a book and holds it up] "Codpiece (n)
A bag covering the male genitals, attached to breeches.."
Mick: "Geer! Let's 'ave one of those then!"
Keith: "Sure mate, oi've got a couple of me old ones 'ere in a box
somewhere.. Let's see.. Ah, 'ere we go! Lookit this - a purple one!
With spikes even! Keeps them girls from getting too fresh, ya know?
Should be especially 'elpful in your case, mate.."
Mick [trying it on]: "Oy! This is fookin' brilliant! And it makes me
look, well, bigger somehow! Will ya look at this, it's like I'm
wearin' a pumpkin in me trousers!"
Keith: "That's the idea, mate, that's the idea..."
Mick [sauntering off proudly] "'ey, Lads! Will ya look at this then!
I've got a fookin' suit of armor for me willy!"
Sadly, such a conversation, if it indeed took place, is lost forever
in the mists of rock history.
© 1996 Peter Langston