What I learned in college
Date: Thu, 11 Apr 96 18:00:41 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Subject: What I learned in college
Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Forwarded-by: "John P. Kole" <email@example.com>
From: "Ba, Ba, BLACKSHEEP" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked
in the head like this before.
ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.
ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES
There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane". If
you buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take
it back and demand a refund?
ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
-- Steven King, 3/8/90
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail.
-- Abraham Maslow
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic!
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because
someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at
-- English Professor, Ohio University
ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the
occasional division by zero.
ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be
thrown with great force.
-- Dorothy Parker
To err is human, to moo bovine.
ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire
was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful
termination of their C programs.
-- Robert Firth
The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large
values of 2.
ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find
AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and
BSD (Unix). We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
© 1996 Peter Langston