Fun_People Archive
15 Apr
JsOTD - Katzenberg, Mitsubishi, Passaic, ...

Date: Mon, 15 Apr 96 04:21:54 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: JsOTD - Katzenberg, Mitsubishi, Passaic, ...

Excerpted-from: SHOPTALK for Monday, April 15, 1996

On Tonya Harding file for divorce: "It's irreconcilable
differences.  He sits around the house every night, while
everybody knows how she likes to go out clubbing."
			- Argus Hamilton

M-I-C...See you in court!
K-E-Y...Why? Because I'm suing you:
Former Disney veep Jeffrey Katzenberg is suing his old company for $250
million he claims it owes him.  Says Steve Tatham, "Disney claims he
breached his contract, and is going ahead with plans to make a movie called
"Jeffrey and the Giant Breach."

He adds, "other planned Disney movies about the case: "'Three Lawyers and a
Baby,' 'The Lyin' King,' '101 Depositions' and "Jeff-to-haunt-us.'"

If this case goes to trial, says Bob Mills, watch for:
o The judge to make ruling only after rubbing Aladdin's lamp.
o The jury to frequently bread into a chorus of "It's a Small World
   After All."
o Mouse ears to be part of the bailiff's uniform.

Michael Eisner has an idea to settle the dispute, says Brad Halpern.
"Katzenberg would receive $250 million for starring in 'Honey, I Treated
the VP Like One of Our Writers.'"
	_ _ _ _ _

In the News: House Republicans say they'll balance the federal budget in
seven years, says Paul Ryan, "by making it illegal to be poor."
	_ _ _ _ _

Mitsubishi is downsizing, says Richard Acello, "They're laying off their
entire sexual harassment department and outsourcing the job to Mike Tyson."
	_ _ _ _ _

Police in New Jersey arrested a man they caught dumping 10 bags of human
body parts into the Passaic River:

"Apparently, in New Jersey the limit is eight bags." (Premiere Morning

"Now his lawyer wants an arm and a leg." (Jenny Church)

"Hackensack--Not Just a Name But a Way of Life." (Cutler Daily Scoop)
	_ _ _ _ _

A Rhode Island judge ruled that an ice cream truck's repetitive tune is
protected by the First Amendment.  The city of Glochester had ordered it
stopped because it was driving everyone nuts.  Says Bill Williams, "The
victorious vendor has changed the tune to "Nah Na-Na Nah Nah."
	_ _ _ _ _

A researcher reported that men lose brain tissue at almost three times the
rate women do, curbing their memory and concentration--and perhaps turning
them into "grumpy old men."  However, says Heather Stewart, "His findings
were not conclusive, since he lost interest part way through the study.
His response: 'You got a problem with that? Get off my back!"

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