The Comedian's Eye View - 4/24/96
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 96 19:42:41 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View - 4/24/96
Excerpted-from: 4/24/96 -- ShopTalk
DON FITZPATRICK ASSOCIATES
Wednesday, April 24, 1996
In the News: Have you seen the price of gasoline lately, asks Brian Matthews.
"Did we go to war and nobody told us?"
Adds Cutler, "Women are amazed. How can something with pumps jump so high?"
Dennis Miller, interviewing Sen. Arlen Specter: "You are the pro-choice
Republican. It's kind of like being the vegetarian cannibal."
Utah has outlawed gay student clubs, saying such clubs "recruit others into
a lifestyle that can kill them." Says Johnny Robish, "I guess that means
they'll be banning ROTC, too."
The Unabomber suspect is giving mathematicians a bad name lately, says Argus
Hamilton. "It's not fair to the great legends in that field. Take Albert
Einstein--can you imagine anyone making a bomb out of his research?"
The FAA is reviewing rules that permit young people to fly airplanes. Says
Robish, "In a similar move, the Federal Reserve is considering changes in
the rules that allow retirees to clog bank lines during Friday lunch hours."
A public health scare erupted over the weekend. Flesh-eating bacteria are
on the loose in California. Says Hamilton, "In a related story, F. Lee
Bailey was released from prison in Florida."
Adds Bob Mills, "He was allowed time off for somewhat-less-than-obnoxious
Wednesday marks the beginning of TV Turn Off Week. Says Alex Pearlstein,
"I don't know how effective it's going to be. We're right in the middle of
Baywatch's Nation TV Turn On Week."
In a column comparing the travails of Mike Tyson and Tonya Harding, Bernie
Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune says: "After all, boxing and figure skating
are not that different. Both are scored by judges, the losers usually fall
down, and the announcers wear tuxedos."
Jay Leno, after the Bulls won their NBA-record 70th game: "That is one
incredible year for the Bulls--or 10 incredible years for the Clippers."
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© 1996 Peter Langston