Gardeners Psychiatric Hotline
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 25 Apr 96 13:37:21 -0700
Subject: Gardeners Psychiatric Hotline
Forwarded-by: "Gregg H. Porter" <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: the "Master Gardeners" list...
TO: Master Gardeners, INTERNET:MGARDEN@LISTPROC.WSU.EDU
Welcome to gardeners psychiatric hotline.
+ If you are buying plants, yet have no space or time to plant,
(obsessive-compulsive) please presss 1, repeatedly.
+ If you want someone else to do the digging, (co-dependent) please ask
someone to press 2.
+ If you will plant anything and everthing, (multiple personalities), please
press 3,4,5 and 6.
+ If you are sure the sun, rain, bugs and plant diseases are out to get you,
(paranoid-delusional) we know who you are and what you want. We have
already traced your call.
+ If you are sure the flowers are talking to you, listen carefully and a
little voice will tell you which button to press.
+ If you can't throw away a plant, even if it is dying, (manic-depressive)
it doesn't matter which button you press.
+ If you believe your garden is being attacked by evil spirits, press 6-6-6.
+ If you occasionally hallucinate and know that this year your yard and
garden are going to look as good or better than Bill Town's or Bud Cruger's,
please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is
alive and is about to bite you on the ear.
Douglas County, Oregon
Note: Bill Town and Bud Cruger are Douglas County Master Gardeners with very
© 1996 Peter Langston