TTLOTD - The Ten Usenet Commandments
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 96 14:36:20 -0700
Subject: TTLOTD - The Ten Usenet Commandments
Forwarded-by: "Jack D. Doyle" <doylej@PEAK.ORG>
Forwarded-by: email@example.com (K. Sivakumar)
Chris Hennessy (firstname.lastname@example.org) wrote:
The brothers Usas and Senda, despairing of the state of UseNet, went unto
the mountain at the feet of Net.God. "Oh Net.God, there is confusion and
sorrow in your place of UseNet. The people worship false gods and knowst
not your will."
Net.God spoke unto Usas and Senda. "YOU PLAYETH THE GAME BY NET.GOD'S LAWS,
OR THE BAT WILL BE DEPOSITED IN THE LIGHTLESS PLACE."
Usas, being devout and greatly afeard of Net.God, prayed. "Lord, how am
I to know your will?"
And Net.God, being wise in the ways of Usas, spake thus, "THOU SHALT
OBEY THE LAWS OF USENET, THERE BEING TEN, OR BE DAMNED UNTO THE LAST
GENERATION," for He is a merciful God.
So did Net.God deliver unto Usas the Commandments.
THE TEN USENET COMMANDMENTS
1. Thou shalt not battle over operating systems.
I am wise and in My wisdom have created diverse and various operating
systems. Be true unto the chosen system and neither covet nor despise
your neighbour's operating system.
2. Thou shalt not battle over nationalities or tribes.
I have placed the UseNet aside from all things, and granted it unto Usas.
I am blind to the place in which pray, all prayers being equal in Virtual
3. Thou shalt not flame.
Your Net.God has anger in His heart for those who flame without cause or
who do persecute the spelling of others. In my wisdom I have created
opinions to be as armpits; your's is warm and secure but thine
neighbour's stinks. Tolerate others as you would be tolerated. Flames
are Mine, and I do preserve some good ones for these people.
4. Thou shalt not MAKE-$$$$-FAST.
I have made Usas wise that the love of money is the root of all evil. He
who angers his neighbour by the wasting of bandwidth shall anger Net.God,
and also by spamming or cluttering. I reserveth a special Hell for these,
and great shall be their sorrow.
5. Thou shalt quote meaningfully.
Net.God loves not the man who taketh more than needed nor he who quoteth
all, including the sig. Render unto Net.God what is Net.God's, render
unto Usas what is Usas; credit Senda for he is good.
6. Thou shalt e-mail personal prayers.
I have rendered unto Usas the ability to talk to all the peoples of the
world. I tell you, it is better to whisper into an ear than shout into
7. Thou shalt not me-too.
Make not your prayers to the Senda the knowledge of thine neighbour. The
wisdom of Usas is the ability to speak to all people, and to choose to
speak to one.
8. Thou shalt not cross post unwisely.
The place I grant thee for rec.pets.cats is not the place of
9. Thou shalt not post tests in profusion.
I giveth unto you the lands of alt.test to learn of your God. Tend to
Usas as I do My calves; let the new gather the strength to stand before
joining with the herd.
10.Thou shalt send complete offerings.
Send not to your God incomplete offerings. If the parts of the sacrifice
number all the people of the world times ten your God will not be pleased
to receive all but two. The blessing of Net.God is upon he who posts
fewer large parts that he who posts many small ones.
© 1996 Peter Langston