Fun_People Archive
1 May
The Comedian's Eye View - 5/2/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  1 May 96 18:20:34 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View - 5/2/96

Excerpted-from: 5/2/96 -- ShopTalk

     "Harley-Davidson is tradmarking the sound associated with Harleys.
      Let's hope Taco Bell doesn't try this."

			- Jay Leno

KNBC-Writing Factory:
Three books by members of the KNBC/Channel 4 news team include: "Humphrey
the Whale," by Wendy Tokuda, co-anchor; "Muhammed and the Marathon," by
Christopher Nance, weathercaster; "Trophy Wife," by Kelly Lange, co-anchor.
Guess which two are for juvenile minds?  ("Only in LA," Steve Harvey)

In the news:

Jay Leno, on an election-year scandal for Sen. Bob Dole: "It seems that
before he joined the Senate, he may have profited illegally from the
Louisiana purchase."

Jenny Church, on President Clinton testifying on videotape about Whitewater:
"During a break, his staff asked if he wanted to see his crime bill. Clinton
asked if he could just 'run a tab.'"

Alan Ray, on the major forest fire in New Mexico: "Officials blame the blaze
on human error.  Some careless tourist probably started a Ford."

Alex Pearlstein, on this week's annual National Cable Television Assn.'s
convention in Los Angeles:  "Attendees are pretty upset.  If they want to
hear the premium speeches, they have to pay an extra $15."

Brad Halpern, on the new weight-loss drug Redux, which actually sends
different messages to the brain while eating to suppress appetite: "Among
the messages: airline food!"

Leno, on the new religion that worships Elvis Presley: "I don't know much
about the religion, but I would guess that it doesn't involve fasting."

Argus Hamilton, on a round of golf with the president being auctioned to
raise money for Chelsea's private school.  "It could attract millions of
dollars.  It's being offered as a round of golf with a man once photographed
shaking hands with Jackie Kennedy's first husband."

Among the Top 10 things overheard at Jackie O's auction,
according to David Letterman:
 O "Do I hear $2 million for this stack of wrestling magazines?"
 O "Those high heels were worn by both Jackie and J. Edgar Hoover."
 O "Sure it's an official White House napkin--they just called it 'White
    Castle' back then."
 O "I wish Oliver Stone would shut up about his 'second auctioneer' theory."
 O "I knew Jack Kennedy's pet monkey.  Jack Kennedy's pet monkey was a
    friend of mine.  An that, sir, is not Jack Kennedy's pet monkey."
 O "Sorry, President Clinton, his little black book is not for sale."

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