Fun_People Archive
6 May
The List Manager's Form Flame

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  6 May 96 17:50:25 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The List Manager's Form Flame

Forwarded-by: Lou Katz <lou@orange.metron.com>
Forwarded-by: list-managers-digest-owner@GreatCircle.COM
Forwarded-by: "Amy Stinson" <amys@iquest.net>
From: John A. Gunterman

Dear [ ] sir        [ ] twit      [ ] clueless one [ ] great man on campus
     [ ] madam      [ ] dweeb     [ ] twerp        [ ] comrade
     [ ] moon beam  [ ] boor      [ ] Elvis        [ ] Obergruppenfuehrer
     [ ] citoyen    [ ] Geek      [ ] grad student [ ] Commie
     [ ] Republican [ ] Democrat  [ ] Liberal      [ ] Conservative
     [ ] Dilbert    [ ] Dogbert   [ ] Ratbert      [ ] cur

You are being gently flamed because:
  [ ] you sent a remove-me-from-the-list message to the list
	(rather than the list-sever)
  [ ] you continued a boring, useless, stupid thread
  [ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
  [ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
  [ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities
  [ ] you advocated Net censorship
  [ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps)
  [ ] you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group
  [ ] you posted the inanely stupid "Make Money Fast" article
  [ ] you posted the inanely stupid "$250 Cookie Recipe" article
  [ ] you posted the inanely stupid "Good Time Virus" warning.
  [ ] you posted an inanely stupid magic-weight loss article
  [ ] you posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article
  [ ] you posted an inanely stupid "Fix Your Credit" article
  [ ] you threatened others with physical harm
  [ ] you made one or more bigoted statements
  [ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
  [ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve
  [ ] you repeatedly showed a lack of humor
  [ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread
  [ ] you are posting an anonymous attack
  [ ] you posted an obvious troll
  [ ] you responded to an obvious troll
  [ ] you responded to your own obvious troll
  [ ] you have a sig that is more than 5 lines long
  [ ] you have a sig with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics
  [ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet
  [ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject
  [ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ
  [ ] you redundantly covered the same point over & over, again
  [ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S.-only phenomenon
  [ ] you crossposted excessively
  [ ] you, in any way, sense, shape, or form, agreed with Senator Exon
  [ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after 60-70
characters, thereby making it hard to read or quote your post.
  [ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little
	boy with cancer who is trying to break the Guiness book record.
  [ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post.
  [ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post and your
	addition was "I agree" or "Me too."
  [ ] you barged into a quiet little news group/IRC channel/MUD/whatever and
	started stinking up the place just because you read an article about
	the news group/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine.
  [ ] you repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff.
  [ ] you repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie,
	or Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions.
  [ ] you, in any way, sense, shape, or form, used the term(s)
	[ ] "infobahn"  [ ] "Neutopia" [ ] "information superhighway"
	[ ] "warez"     [ ]  "SUX"     [ ] "ROOLZ"     [ ] KEWL/KOOL/K0oL
	[ ] "wymyn"     [ ] Other annoying term:

  [ ] you discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup;
	[ ] hollow earth theory               [ ] alien President theory
	[ ] orbital mind control frisbees     [ ] faith healing
	[ ] government weather control        [ ] Russian psychics
	[ ] Squeaky Fromme                    [ ] robot spy bees
	[ ] sexually promiscuous space aliens [ ] "Manos, the Hands of  Fate"
	[ ] Other:

  [ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources;
	[ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955
	[ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup        [ ] SNL News
	[ ] Oliver Stone            [ ] Hard Copy   [ ] Inside Edition
	[ ] The National Enquirer   [ ] The Sun     [ ] NY Post
	[ ] The Union Leader        [ ] Pravda      [ ] OMNI Magazine
	[ ] Company Marketing Hype  [ ] Microsoft   [ ] The Simpsons
	[ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
	[ ] Other:

In the future, you may wish to;
  [ ] read the "welcome to the list" message you received when you joined
  [ ] allow boring and useless threads to die
  [ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded
  [ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
  [ ] remember that the Internet is multinational
  [ ] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you
  [ ] exercise some humility
  [ ] be careful of where you are crossposting
  [ ] "lurk" without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group
  [ ] take personal discussions or stupid/boring threads to email
  [ ] get used to being mocked
  [ ] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmeceutical experiments
  [ ] rejoin your people on your planet of origin
  [ ] remove the pipe from your nether regions

I would like like to suggest that, for the common good, you;
  [ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post
  [ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group
  [ ] learn to use the "kill" command to eliminate erroneous posts
  [ ] post only to alt.dev.null
  [ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all existing responses
  [ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post
  [ ] shop for clues at a better clue shop
  [ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup
  [ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup
  [ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool
  [ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems
  [ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
  [ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of:
	[ ] patience         [ ] tolerance
	[ ] common courtesy  [ ] succinctness
	[ ] vocabulary       [ ] higher brain functions
	[ ] Other:

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine
your progress toward being;

  [ ] a useful member of Internet society
  [ ] a less-annoying member of Internet society
  [ ] a human being
  [ ] a fully-functional human being
  [ ] a tolerable poster
  [ ] integrated into humanity
  [ ] re-integrated into the wild
  [ ] Other:

Thank you for taking the time to read this form flame.
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