Fun_People Archive
13 May
The Comedian's Eye View - 5/14/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 13 May 96 18:08:52 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View - 5/14/96

Excerpted-from: 5/14/96 -- ShopTalk <>

Give us a break today: McDonald's is going after baby boomers with a news
sandwich called the Arch Deluxe, marketed to adults with some grown-up ads:

  "It's an instant success even hotter than their coffee." (Paul Ecker)

  "They should call it the 'Fallen Arches Deluxe.'" (Bill Williams)

  "Noting its 30 grams of fat, cardiologists have nicknamed it the Arch
   Enemy."  (Bob Mills)

  "They also unveiled a new jingle: 'You Deserve a Quadruple Bypass Today."

  "To make it 'adult' the cheeseburger comes with Dijon mustard and a
   mortgage." (Cutler Daily Scoop)

  "Someone analyzed that mustard and found it's 60% Metamucil." (Mills)

  "Even the Happy Meal is aimed at the over-40 crowd.  This week's prize
   is a Tums." (Alan Ray)

  "It's great comes with fries, cold drink and a Bill Clinton action
   figure." (Kenny Noble)

  "I don't know about those new commercials, though.  Do we really have to
   see Ronald McDonald visit his prostate specialist." (Alex Pearlstein)

In the news: An original CARE package like those used after World War II
will be given to the Smithsonian.  Says Perisho, "Also, President Clinton
will receive a special CARE package containing 12 assurances, 10 excuses,
a half-dozen stall tactics and, for when times are very tough, one air-tight

Sniping between top Republicans Newt Gingrich and Al D'Amato has gotten so
nasty, Mills says, Connie Chung is trying to find out from Newt's mom what
he calls D'Amato in private.

According to the National Resources Defense Council, each year 6,000 people
in Los Angeles are killed by lead particles in the air.  Says Jay Leno,
"They're called bullets."

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