The Comedian's Eye View - 5/17/96
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 16 May 96 17:54:38 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View - 5/17/96
Excerpted-from: 5/17/96 -- ShopTalk
"I'm sincere. I'm really curious. I care what people
think. I listen to answers and leave my ego at the door.
I don't use the word 'I.'"
--Larry King, using six 'I's' to tell
a Psychology Today interviewer why
he's so good at what he does.
One more time: Magic Johnson is leaving the Lakers-again. Dr. Jack
Kevorkian was found not guilty-again. Says the Cutler Daily Scoop, "The
summer reruns seem to start earlier every year."
"It's getting embarrassing. The Lakers have run his jersey up and down the
Forum so many times that ships at sea are starting to respond." (Argus
In the news: On Bob Dole resigning from the US Senate to concentrate on his
presidential campaign, Russ Myers says: "He seems confused about these new
Republican values. You're supposed to re-engineer other people out of their
US Rep. Joe Kennedy introduced a bill to restrict Budweiser's use of cartoon
frogs in its ads. It's a family issue, says Hamilton. "The Kennedy family
wants the Swedish Bikini Team back, and they want them back now."
The FBI is checking out possible links between the suspected Unabomber and
the 60's Zodiac Killer. Says Brad Halpern, "After that, they plan to
investigate correlations between the 'freemen' and 'The Waltons.'"
Gas has gotten so costly, say Mike Kagan and Rick Sandack, "At stations in
Beverly Hills you now need a reservation-and if you want premium, you have
to tip the pump captain."
A Miami Air charter jet made an emergency landing due to loss of cabin
pressure. Only four passengers required medical attention, says Hamilton.
"The rest of them refused to pay the $4 to rent a stethoscope."
About that new caffeinated water, Mills says they don't know yet whether it
can be used to brew coffee. "The first guy to try it hasn't come down yet."
John Tesh is leaving "Entertainment Tonight" to devote more time to music.
Says Alex Pearlstein, "His fans shouldn't worry, though. He'll always be
as close as the nearest elevator."
Keiko the Killer Whale has a 32-inch TV to keep him stimulated when visitors
aren't around. Says Paul Steinberg, "Actually, Keiko was a blue whale until
he started watching all that violence on TV."
© 1996 Peter Langston