Fun_People Archive
17 May
The Comedian's Eye View from 5/20/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 17 May 96 17:32:21 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 5/20/96

Excerpted-from: 5/20/96 -- ShopTalk

         "Everyone said our show on homosexuality would be a
          minefield.  But why?  At the end of the day all we
          said was that it's nobody's business what people are
          into.  And then I put in the weird turn.  I said,
          'But bisexuals, I think we'll all agree, are just
          incredibly greedy.'"
                                  Dennis Miller


Doled out: Bob Dole is resigning from the Senate to throw himself into
the presidential race full time:

  "That's one down, 99 to go." (Larry Swerdlow)

  "This way he is no longer responsible for the actions of Congress.  That's
  the smartest move since Heidi Fleiss told her girls they're on their own."
  (Argus Hamilton)

  "Didn't any of his handlers think to tell him it was too early to quit
  his day job?" (Barbara "Chuckles" Chuck)

  "This means instead of staying Washington, spending money and saying nasty
  things about President Clinton, he'll be traveling the country, raising
  money and saying nasty things about President Clinton." (Paul Ryan)

  "He said he's either going to the White House or home to Kansas.  Pat
  Buchanan was spotted clicking his heels together and muttering, "There's
  no place like home, there's no place like home..." (Swerdlow)

  "Aides talked out of closing his speech with, 'You won't have Bob Dole to
  kick around anymore.'"  (Bob Mills)

  "In a related story, Dole's campaign was grounded by the FAA.
  Investigators pronounced it wooden, rambling and unable to generate lift."
  (Richard Acello)

In the news: Paula Jones' sexual harassment suit against President Clinton
has reached the US Supreme Court.  Says Jay Leno, "Imagine, this case could
be decided by Clarence Thomas.  Talk about a jury of your peers."

Marge Schott has done it again, telling Sports Illustrated, "I don't like
it when (Asians) come here, stay so long, then outdo our kids.  That's not
right."  Says the Cutler Daily Scoop, "I guess we can rule out Hideo Nomo
Night at Riverfront Stadium."

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