Fun_People Archive
23 May
The Comedian's Eye View from 5/24/96 -- ShopTalk

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 23 May 96 19:06:24 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 5/24/96 -- ShopTalk

Excerpted-from: 5/24/96 -- ShopTalk

	"Sarah Ferguson wants to pursue commercial endorsements here
	in the U.S....I guess one day you're Fergie, Duchess of York,
	the next day Fergie, hemorrhoid sufferer."
		- Jay Leno


"The origin of candy bars is often misunderstood in sports," says Michael
Farber of Sports Illustrated.  "For example, Baby Ruth was not named after
Babe Ruth, and the Mars bar was not named after Dennis Rodman."

"I can't believe how physical the NBA is getting lately," says Jay Leno.
"Shaquille O'Neil-what is he, 320 pounds?-comes down the court and crashes
into Dennis Rodman.  Luckily, Dennis was wearing a padded bra, so he's OK."

In the news: Parents attending graduation ceremonies at Virginia Tech
discovered that their son, whom they had been sending tuition and expense
money for four years, was no longer enrolled. Says Jay Leno, "when they
found out how much money he had scammed his parents out of, every law school
in the country wants him now."

In a speech in Wisconsin about welfare reform, Bob Dole said he was mad that
President Clinton had stolen all his jokes the day before.  Says Argus
Hamilton, "Actually, they were proposals-but the sure sounded funny coming
from Clinton."

Dole was photographed sunbathing in a swimsuit in Florida.  Says Leno, "Oh,
man. First he got rid of the blue suit.  Then he got rid of the tie.  Now
he's gotten rid of his pants.  Next he'll step out of the shower and go,
'Vote for me or I'm dropping the towel!'"

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