The Comedian's Eye View from 6/11/96
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 96 00:56:10 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 6/11/96
Excerpted-from: 6/11/96 -- ShopTalk
by Don Fitzpatrick <email@example.com>
You say D'Amato"...A sweetheart deal with his stock brokerage earned
Sen. Alfonse D'Amato a profit of more than $37,000 in a single day:
"He says he got no special treatment, and that's true. All politicians
get this deal." (Argus Hamilton)
"It involved a 'discretionary account,' where the broker can spend your
money without consulting you first. Sounds a lot like Congress." (Jenny
"With his investment expertise, he ought to run for first lady." (Steve
"Hillary Clinton made $100,000, but it took her 10 months. This proves
what the GOP has been saying all along- they're about 112 times more
efficient with money than the Democrats." (Russ Myers)
In the news: Bob Dole says there are a number of issues on which Republicans
of goodwill disagree. Says Paul Ecker, "Republican policies are leaving
more and more Americans with clothes of Goodwill."
A survey shows that 46% of San Fernando Valley residents favor succession.
Says Larry Swerdlow, "Thirty-nine percent want to rename the Valley 'Quebec.'"
[Yes, they probably meant "secession." -psl]
A grizzly bear inflicted minor injuries on a hiker in Glacier National Park.
Says Bob Mills, "The bear had written to the Make-A-Wish Foundation,
expressing his lifelong dream of mauling a hiker."
The Artist Formerly Known as Prince celebrated his 38th birthday last week.
Says Charlie Rienke, "Guess that makes him the Artist Formerly Known as 37."
Adds Cutler, "We don't want to say his career has slowed down, but Barney
wasn't the only purple dinosaur at the birthday party."
© 1996 Peter Langston