The Comedian's Eye View from 6/12/96
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 96 21:34:18 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 6/12/96
Excerpted-from: 6/12/96 -- ShopTalk
Oh THAT $1.4 trillion: The Internal Revenue Service can't seem to
locate $1.4 trillion in tax money it collected:
"I'll have to remember that excuse the next time I get audited." (Paul
"So now the IRS is going to be audited. I hope they saved every
single receipt." (Jay Leno)
In the news: President Clinton visited Las Vegas for a fund-raiser.
Says Jenny Church, "One casino built a special roulette wheel for him.
It keeps spinning while Clinton switches his bet back and forth and
back and forth..."
Says Warren Lavendar, "Concerned Republicans are asking Monty Hall to
head up a project called 'Let's Make a Dole.'"
The Federal Elections Commission has delayed giving matching funds to
Ross Perot's party. Says Argus Hamilton, "Perot had the same problem
getting his first business loan way back in 1961. The bank wouldn't
accept the voices inside his head as references."
Staying politically aware is difficult, says Dana Snow. "More people
would vote if they had Quick Picks."
The brokerage firm Smith Barney is being sued for sexual harassment.
Says Larry Swerdlow, "Have you heard its new slogan? 'Smith-Barney: We
treat women the old-fashioned way.'"
The family of four who left the "freemen" compound last week was
immediately interrogated by two kinds of agents, says Alan Ray
"federal and Hollywood."
Scientists in Iran have discovered what they believe is the world's
oldest wine. Says Leno, "I believe it was, 'You never take me
NBA sideshow: Did you see Dennis Rodman's latest hairdo: Poor guy,
says Alex Kaseberg. "Something really has to be done about the
graffiti problem in this country."
Adds Hamilton, "Rodman explained the designs in his hair as an AIDS
ribbon, a peace sign and a black power symbol, a Pearl Jam logo, and a
gay and lesbian symbol. That's not a hairstyle, it's Clinton Cabinet
Adds Ray, "He could miss the next game. When he went up for a rebound
in the last one, he suffered a pulled G-string."
© 1996 Peter Langston