The Comedian's Eye View of 6/18/96
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 17 Jun 96 18:17:01 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 6/18/96
Excerpted-from: 6/18/96 -- ShopTalk
Lookin' baaaad, Dad: Sunday was Father's Day- and you know what the means.
Says Alex Pearlstein, "Tradition continues today in offices everywhere as
fathers celebrate [UTM] Ugly Tie Monday."
o o o
In the news: The University of Toledo invited Hillary Rodham Clinton and
Elizabeth Dole to debate the role of first lady. Says Pat McGreal, "Watch
for Dole to tell Clinton, 'My husband knew Eleanor Roosevelt, my husband
worked with Eleanor Roosevelt, and you are no Eleanor Roosevelt."
The Senate Whitewater Committee asked Hillary for written answers about her
law practice and billing records. Says Argus Hamilton, "They won't stop
hounding her. This never happened when Nancy Reagan was president."
Bob Dole suggested that tobacco smoking isn't necessarily addictive.
Says Alex Pearlstein, "Unfortunately, tobacco money is."
[This is my nominee for Quote of the Year -- psl]
Southern Baptists are threatening to boycott Disney's movies and amusement
parks because of the company's effort to accommodate gay employees and
customers. Says Jerry Perisho, "As a conciliatory gesture, Disney will
convert 'It's a Small World' into a fire-and- brimstone ride to be called
'It's a Small Mind.'"
A federal judge ruled that states cannot bar the Ku Klux Klan from
participating in Adopt-a-Highway anti-litter campaigns. Great, says the
Cutler Daily Scoop, "Who's better experienced at picking up white trash?"
Researchers from the University of Bologna report that a birth-control pill
for men is feasible.
"They've devised a sure-fire method of getting men to take it- a machine
that dispenses one pill and activates the TV remote for 24 hours." (Perisho)
"It figures that male birth control would be studied at a university that's
named for a little floppy piece of meat." (Perisho)
Top NFL pick Lawrence Phillips, already a convicted woman-beater, was
arrested last week for drunk driving. Says Hamilton, "He's already been
named Rookie of the Year by the American Trial Lawyers Assn."
Federal agents last week announced the arrest of three reputed leaders and
15 members of the Genovese organized crime family. Says Michael X. Ferraro,
"According to the experts, this was the worst day for the Mafia since Sofia
Coppola replaced Winona Ryder in 'The Godfather III.'"
"Officials at ValuJet say they've thoroughly inspected their fleet. That
new sticker on the planes is making passengers kind of nervous. "Caution:
this vehicle makes sudden stops." (Alan Ray)
© 1996 Peter Langston