The Top Five List for June 18, 1996
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 18 Jun 96 14:11:39 -0700
Subject: The Top Five List for June 18, 1996
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The Top 17 Effects of the Southern Baptists' Boycott of Disney
17> Children in deep south begin mass conversion to Judaism.
16> Disney moves forward with plans to release X-rated version
of "Bedknobs and Broomsticks."
15> Record summer tourism for nudie bars on Bourbon Street.
14> Parade members can now dance without that awful guilty
13> Plans announced for BaptistLand, "The Happiest Straight
Place on Earth."
12> Athletes now heard saying, "I'm going to Disneyland,
and then to Hell!"
11> Disneyland courts atheists with new slogan: "The
closest place to heaven *you'll* ever see."
10> Finally, Goofy can reveal his true sexual orientation
-- and gender!
9> Disney employees asked to refrain from saying "Our
Lord" in public, unless specifically referring to
8> Reduced pressure to put pants on Donald Duck.
7> Neighborhood "working girls" can no longer count on
generous tips from visiting televangelists.
6> Crowds at DollyWood soar into the dozens.
5> Baptists now must visit Disney World in same
disguise they wear to the liquor store.
4> Hellfire and animation!
3> No lines whatsover at "It's a Small Small Mind."
2> Chip & Dale land on the cover of Out magazine.
and the Number 1 Effect of the Southern Baptists' Boycott of
1> Absolutely nothing!
© 1996 Peter Langston