Fun_People Archive
19 Jun
The Top Five List for June 19, 1996

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 19 Jun 96 13:17:44 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Top Five List for June 19, 1996

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Don't forget to check The Top Five List on the World Wide Web!
Pictures!  Stories!   Pamela Anderson Lee!   Brad Pitt!   Not!

                 ***  www.topfive.com  ***


          The Top 5 [oh okay, 17] Signs You've Had Too Much To
               Drink at Your Company Picnic


17> You loosen your tie, despite the dirty looks from the
    other accountants.

16> You brazenly blurt out the percentage of mouse feces
    and rat hair that the FDA allows in hotdogs.

15> Your perfect Elvis impersonation goes terribly awry
    when that big wave of nausea kicks in.

14> You decide to show the boss YOUR version of a "golden
    parachute."

13> Bernie from accounting feels the need to admonish,
    "Slow down, pal.  This ain't no Kennedy reunion!"

12> The people in charge of the Diversity Program don't
    seem to care much for your Buckwheat impersonation.

11> You resurrect that old "Pull My Finger" routine for
    the folks from the home office.

10> Your overly enthusiastic karaoke rendition of "Beat
    It" lands you in jail for public lewdness.

 9> You organize an "Armpit Orchestra" to play "Hail to
    the Chief" when the CEO arrives.

 8> You offer to teach the boss your procedure for
    making "Butt Xeroxes."

 7> You attempt to qualify for the 3 legged race -- solo.

 6> You remember *what* to kiss, but forget *whose*.

 5> Evidently a bear's not the only one who can shit in
    the woods.

 4> You keep calling your boss "Boo-Boo" and bugging him
    to help you look for "pic-a-nic" baskets.

 3> Last words you utter before passing out?  "Slide, you
    fat bastard!  Slide!"

 2> Everytime CEO pauses during big speech you scream,
    "FREEBIRD!!"


      and the Number 1 Sign You've Had Too Much To
           Drink at Your Company Picnic...


 1> "But everybody pees in the pool!"
    Not from the diving board, my friend.

© 1996 Peter Langston