The Comedian's Eye View from 6/20/96
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 19 Jun 96 22:42:36 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 6/20/96
Excerpted-from: 6/20/96 -- ShopTalk
In the news: A Paris antiques dealer believes he's found the armor Joan of
Arc wore in the 1400s. She was burned at the stake by political opponents.
Says Argus Hamilton, "Hillary Clinton has just put in a bid that would have
made Jackie Kennedy proud."
Why is Hillary letting her fingernails grow longer? Asks Russ Myers.
"These days she's afraid to file anything."
President Clinton should have corrected Bob Dole the other day, says Sheri
Lundberg. "The only time tobacco smoking isn't addictive is when you don't
In Russia, Boris Yeltsin faces a runoff with Gennady Zyuganov. Says Jerry
Perisho, "Seize the moment, Scrabble fans. He won't be around long."
It's storm season again in Florida, where they're watching a major tropical
depression. Asks Jenny Church, "Do they seed the clouds with Prozac?"
Which pharmaceuticals company will find a sure cure for impotence? Speaking
for joke writers everywhere, Paul Ryan says he hopes it's Upjohn.
Boooooorn free....The "freemen" said the were reluctant to surrender because
they feared the FBI would give them "no brain" drugs.
"The Feds wanted to, but they have a policy forbidding unnecessary waste."
"An FBI spokesman said, 'If we wanted to make their brains shrink, we'd make
them watch "The Nanny."'" (Premiere Morning Sickness)
More trouble for the "freemen," says Bill Williams. "Just their luck,
the lawyer they hired is a member of an extremist group called the 'expensivemen.'"
Stand and deliver: A man in Hungary has invented a musical condom:
"Women prefer sensuous melodies like Ravel's 'Bolero,' while men like "The
Anvil Chorus." (Miles Smiles)
"My wife has ordered me one that plays "The Minute Waltz." (Hy Faber)
"For philandering couples who meet for afternoon quickies, 'Pop! Goes the
"Sorry, but I won't even put John Tesh on my stereo!" (Faber)
© 1996 Peter Langston