Fun_People Archive
8 Jul
The Comedian's Eye View from 6/27/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  8 Jul 96 18:58:19 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 6/27/96

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <>
Forwarded-by: Don Fitzpatrick <>

Earth to Hillary... A new book tells how Hillary Clinton consulted with
spiritual guru Jean Houston and held imaginary conversations with Eleanor
Roosevelt and Mahatma Gandhi:

"Houston, we have a problem." (Cutler Daily Scoop)

"It did no good.  Neither Roosevelt nor Gandhi had any idea where the
commodities market will be a year from now."  (Argus Hamilton)

"Of course she tried to converse with the dead.  How else can she advise
Bill on how to debate Bob Dole?"  (R. Alex Kaseberg)

"Now everybody thinks she's flaky and weird.  What a clever strategy to
carry California." (Hamilton)

A new book urges CEOs to learn from Jesus' practices of forming a team
and moving on an idea.  Ted Tuner swears by it.  Says Hamilton, "The
difference between Ted Turner and Jesus is, Jesus never thought he was
Ted Turner."

"Actor Robert Downey, Junior has been busted for drugs.  His publicist
says the substance in his truck was merely research for a movie remake
he's doing.  'Pride of the Yankees.'" (Alan Ray)

According to a car-industry survey, Cadillac has the most faithful
customers.  Says Stan Kaplan, "It's whispered, however, that some of
them keep cute little Miatas on the side."

Le Cirque d' OJ: OJ: Simpson will hold a benefit at his house to raise
funds to fight domestic violence:

"OK, that gets the laugh.  Now somebody throw me a straight line."
(Gary Easley)

"Sure, why not?  And Johnnie Cochran can teach a course on ethics."

"It'll be a formal affair... strictly black glove."  (Elena Nelson Howe)

"This is very important to him.  If he doesn't sell some Tupperware,
he's sunk."  (Hamilton)

"Next, he'll organize a celebrity golf tournament against really bad
acting."  (Kaseberg)

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy on the Summer Olympics, which will be held in his
hometown of Atlanta:  "I guarantee you when they let those doves go at
the opening ceremonies, there are going to be guys in the parking lot with

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