You know everything. Don't disappoint me.
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 14 Sep 96 20:51:58 -0700
Subject: You know everything. Don't disappoint me.
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From: "Ask Marilyn" by Marilyn Vos Savant in Parade Magazine, 9/8/96
[Another collection of Marilyn Vos Savant's favorite unanswerable questions.
Reprinted w/o permission.]
How do they fit all that hot air into blow dryers? Why don't they ever run
As a sufferer of menopausal "hot flashes," I have experienced the ability
of the human body to withstand freezing temperatures without the aid of warm
clothing. Has science ever attempted to study this phenomenon with an eye
towards eliminating our dependence on Middle East oil? Think of the savings
if we could scrap the need for central heating!
Why are chicken fingers called chicken fingers when chickens don't have
Why do wool sweaters shrink when washed? The same wool on sheep doesn't
shrink when they stand in the rain.
Why does a pickle become luminescent when 110 volts of alternating current
pass through it?
Why hasn't anyone ever thought of milking their pet dogs or cats?
Do oysters get bored? How do you tell?
Why God asleep when He invented mosquitoes? If not, what is their purpose?
You know everything. Don't disappoint me.
How come Mickey Mouse is taller than his dog, Pluto?
Why is it in all those old mysteries, they always said "The butler did it"?
Were butlers really so terrible?
I say that a song popular in the 1950s went "Ooh eee ooh ah ah wing wang
walla walla bing bang, ooh eee ohh ah ah wing wang walla walla bing bang."
My boyfriend insists it went "Ooh eee ooh ah ah ching chang walla walla bing
bang, ooh eee ooh ah ah ching chang walla walla bing bang". Who is correct?
Do you know the words to the Notre Dame song that starts, "Cheer, cheer for
old Notre Dame, you bring the liquor, I'll bring the dame"? It has slipped
Could you please tell me the number of shades of green? After driving around
and looking at the scenery, I've decided there must be many.
We have all heard the expression, "Once in a blue moon". What other colors
does the moon come in?
Is the Earth at a different angle in the morning than it is at night? In
the morning, I have to put something against the front door to hold it open.
At night, it stays open by itself.
While in South Carolina recently, I noticed that north is southeast of due
west. How can you explain this?
If everyone on Earth walked west at the same time, would the Earth spin
faster (1) during the walk, or (2) after the walk? If either answer is
"yes", how much shorter would the day get?
I'm riding on a sailboat going 50 mph in a northernly direction. At the
same time, a wind is blowing from the south at 50 mph. Does the wind cause
my ponytail to blow toward my face or away from it?
[And is my ponytail natural blond or bleached? Just kidding... -psl]
I am an adventurous person who is bored with bungee-jumping, skydiving, and
hang-gliding. I have decided to try flying, but I'm wondering how long I
need to build my wing-span for my 122-pound, 5-foot-2 frame? How wide should
my wings be? What do you suggest I make my wings out of?
You never did tell me why there is no static electricity in southern Luzon
in the Philippine Islands.
Can you find out if Julio Iglesias and Don Ho are brothers? Somewhere I
heard that their last name is Lampone.
I've always wanted to go to Europe, but I can't afford it. So, since the
Earth rotates every 24 hours, why couldn't I shoot straight up in some sort
of contraption, hover above and let Europe come to me?
I was challenged with this riddle when I was in the sixth grade, and I still
have not come up with a good answer. As I am now going through a divorce
and discovering who I really am, I find that my life will not be complete
until I know the answer; Is there a word in the English language that rhymes
with "orange"? Obviously, this won't make my life complete, but it's a good
Do you know where I could find an antigravity machine?
If you were an airplane, what type of aircraft would you want to be? I've
heard that people have magnetism in their noses. Is this true?
Can you wiggle your ears?
From the waist up or down, which half of the human body is the most useful
Can you poison a hog? Supposedly they don't have veins.
If one were to tie a snake in a loose square knot, would the snake be able
to untie itself?
Why is it that all the fingers have a name (thumb, index, middle, ring, and
pinky), but for the toes it's only big toe, little toe? What are the other
three called? ("Piggies" don't count.)
How did the town of Oxnard, CA get its name? Is there such a thing as
Horsenard? Or Camelnard?
It appears to me that in the past 100 years, an overwhelming amount of
progress has been made in the world. Where did all those people do for the
first 2000 years?
What property of matter allows for the movement of popcorn residue from the
inside of a plastic bowl to the outside of a plastic bowl? Also, do you
think that this could one day be applied to some future form of
How many miles do you estimate that golfer Arnold Palmer has walked in his
I do not understand women. Would the study of quantum mechanics help?
If M&Ms melt in your mouth and not in your hand, how about your underarm?
I want to test it, but my mom won't let me.
Please tell me why Abraham Lincolm is picture facing right on the penny when
all the other American coins picture their Presidents facing left. It
really irritates me!
Can you list all the possible places and things that could have happened to
a sock from the time it was taken off the foot until it should have come
out of the laundry?
My mother-in-law is 52 years old. Is it true that if I travel off into
space at the speed of light for one year, she will be 152 years old when I
return? Sounds like a good deal.
I admire you for your intelligence. I'm hoping some of it will rub off on
my little brother if reads your column enough. Do you have any kids? If
not, would you like to have my little brother?
You have a great sense of humor. If the columnist thing doesn't work out,
you should do stand-up comedy.
© 1996 Peter Langston