Fun_People Archive
10 Oct
Important Information on India

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 10 Oct 96 16:13:33 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Important Information on India

Forwarded-by: "Jack D. Doyle" <doylej@peak.org>
Forwarded-by: aroy@cs.uoregon.edu (Amitabha Roy)

Being from India, I get a lot of questions about my country.
Sometimes the questions do become rather exasperating.

Q: Say, do you guys have electricity in India?
A: Of course.  We generate electricity by making an elephant run around a
   field by setting fire to its tail.

Q: Do you have cars in India?
A: No.  We only use elephants (and cows of course).

Q: Do you have enough food in India?
A: No.  But when we get hungry we eat the elephants (and the cows of course).

Q: I hear that you actually have snake charmers with poisonous snakes roaming
   the cities.
A: Oh yes, I was a snake charmer once.  In fact, check this out, I have one
   up my pants right now!

Q: Do people have enough clothes to wear in India?
A: Sure.  Everybody wears exclusively Calvin Klein underwear; it keeps
   us cool.

Q: Do you actually burn widows right after her husband's death?
A: No.  We burn them whenever we want.

Q: Can women vote in India?
A: Vote?  No; we just burn them.

Q: Do you have enough fuel in India?
A: I just told you about the women, didn't I?

Q: I hear you get great hash in India.
A: Not any more.  The CIA keeps it all for the US market.

Q: Do you have "arranged" marriages in India?
A: Of course.  We do like to organize things, you know...

Q: Do you speak Hindu ?
A: Yes.  I also speak Christianity, Islam, and Buddhism.

Q: Are you and your family all Hindi ?
A: Oh yes, and we are also all Esperanto, Middle English, and Afrikaans.

Q: Where is India ?
A: Follow I5. You'll get there eventually.

Q: With so many religions, how do you stay united?
A: We share a common hatred of stupid Americans; why?

© 1996 Peter Langston