Fun_People Archive
15 Oct
Two Brief Essays on Writing

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 96 22:15:55 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Two Brief Essays on Writing

Forwarded-by: "Keith's Mostly Clean Humor List" <KSullivan@worldnet.att.net>

HOW TO WRITE A BOOK

Detailed research by publishing companies has shown that subjects that keep
the readers' attention are, in ascending order of popularity:

   1. Mild violence;
   2. Mild profanity;
   3. Royalty;
   4. Not-too-graphic Sex.

The research has also found that it is vital to get the readers' attention
in the opening paragraphs of the book.

Consequently, the ideal opening for a book is this:

  SMACK!  "Dammit!" said the Duchess, "Get your hand off my tits!"

Robert Lewis <rlewis@brazosport.cc.tx.us>

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

INDIGNATION, EXASPERATION, AND LOVE
Copyright 1994, Greg Bulmash, All Rights Reserved

During the pursuit and completion of my degree in Creative Writing, I
learned three things about short stories.

  1. They must have a distinct beginning, middle, and end.
  2. There must be conflict or tension
  3. The main character must undergo a change or have a realization

Keeping that formula in mind, I have written three short stories which I
believe sum up my last relationship.

  INDIGNATION

     "I resent that."
     "No you don't."
     "Yeah, I guess you're right."

  EXASPERATION

     "I can't take any more of this."
     "Yes you can."
     "Yeah, I guess you're right."

  LOVE

     "I love you."
     "No you don't."
     "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Need I say more?
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