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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 8 Nov 96 14:36:48 -0800
Subject: Dear Abby...
Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: glen mccready <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Forwarded-by: Jeff Boerio <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org (Fritz, Rebecca R.)
Funny Letters to Dear Abby...
DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-
twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man
go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
DEAR ABBY: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.
My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the morning
too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that is his
.... I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should
share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with
.... Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
.... I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
.... My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
.... I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober.
.... Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little
gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.
I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting officer.
.... Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to
send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago
and he is a doctor.
.... This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said
"I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.
DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each
other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never
mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and make my
own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend. Meanwhile
he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a cow. How do
I get some money out of him before we are both called to our final
judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day.
FORTY YEARS HITCHED
DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd
like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had
a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a
baby this big be that early?
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much?
DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.
DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same
DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's
still chasing women. Any suggestions?
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he
ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write?
DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've
heard a lot about you"?
DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.
DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age
with no bad habits.
DEAR ROSE: So would I.
© 1996 Peter Langston