Real Likely Names
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 18 Nov 96 16:33:36 -0800
Subject: Real Likely Names
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org (Yitz Etshalom)
Forwarded-by: email@example.com (Arieh Siegal)
Groaners for the Monday morning/afternoon blues:
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it's the '90's!, he'd be Cat
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton
John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman
Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Monster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry
Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be
If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry
Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.
Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so
he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. IF he married Howard
Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.
If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale,
she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.
If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then
moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.
If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married Rose Tu the
elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.
If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of
Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she
would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck,
divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.
If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in show
business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin Short, then
divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all nod sagely when
we heard, "Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short Guy."
© 1996 Peter Langston