GRANBY ZOO ape escape
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 19 Nov 96 14:07:42 -0800
Subject: GRANBY ZOO ape escape
Forwarded-by: Lani Herrmann <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Forwarded-by: email@example.com (Jack Hughes)
An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of
Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist
attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events.
Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape,
escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one
because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for
animals, had had no experience whatever in rounding them up or capturing
The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the
secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages"? The
director said he hadn't, but would, immediately.
To his surprise, under "animal capturing service" he found a listing for
the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately
Within 20 minutes a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo and
a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at the door.
"Is there a wooded area in the vicinity?", the little man asked. The
director said there was, within one half mile from the zoo. "Hop in the
truck", the little man said. The director did and they drove off.
Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted Arnold
on a branch about 25 feet above the ground.
The two men got out, went to the back of the truck and the little man opened
the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running around in
circles. The little man reached into the truck and took out a suicase which
he opened. In the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, which he handed to
the zoo director, a sawed off shotgun, which he leaned against the trunk of
the tree, and a baseball bat.
"Now," the little man said, "I'm going up into the tree with the baseball
bat, and I'm going to knock the ape out of the tree. The instant the ape
hits the ground the dog, well trained, will grab the ape by the crotch.
The ape, instantly and instinctively will grab at his crotch with both
hands. and you snap the handcuffs on and we've got him.
The zoo director, pointing to the shotgun leaning against the tree, said
"I'm not too sure about this, what's the gun for?"
The little man said, "Look, I'm an expert. I know what I'm doing and things
will go just fine, after all, I have the baseball bat. I know my job and
it'll never happen but if the ape should, by any chance, knock ME out of
SHOOT THE DOG!"
© 1996 Peter Langston